William Zhou周道模 探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 3950 Location: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模Collection |
Posted: 2008-12-18 14:40:19 Post subject: [汉英微型诗] 三片树叶 |
|
|
三片树叶
黄叶说落叶:完了
青叶说黄叶:你也快了
说着,青叶开始发黄了
Three Leaves of the Tree
Yellow leaf tells the falling one, going down so low
Green leaf tells the yellow one, soon you will follow
While saying that, the green one is turning yellow _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
Lake 举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
Posted: 2008-12-18 19:05:17 Post subject: |
|
|
Good one.
Two minor points:
Three Leaves of the Tree - Would "Three Leaves" be enough?
the green one is getting yellow - is "turning yellow" better? _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
William Zhou周道模 探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 3950 Location: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模Collection |
Posted: 2008-12-19 05:02:01 Post subject: |
|
|
THanks!
What's the diffrence between the grass leaf and the tree leaf? _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
Lake 举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
Posted: 2008-12-19 11:46:04 Post subject: |
|
|
These are just my thoughts, they may not fit in your poem. So take it or leave it.
But I see you have changed your poem again.
When you read "falling leaves", would you think of grass leaves? I wouldn't. _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
William Zhou周道模 探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 3950 Location: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模Collection |
Posted: 2008-12-19 14:55:46 Post subject: |
|
|
the falling leaf from the tree _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
Lake 举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
Posted: 2008-12-20 15:56:12 Post subject: |
|
|
See, that's what I meant.  _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
jemmy 秀才

Joined: 06 Jun 2007 Posts: 414 Location: china jemmyCollection |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
jemmy 秀才

Joined: 06 Jun 2007 Posts: 414 Location: china jemmyCollection |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
William Zhou周道模 探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 3950 Location: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模Collection |
Posted: 2008-12-21 02:57:10 Post subject: |
|
|
谢 jemmy 的鼓励! _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
|