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雪中闻笛(七律)
丘河
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Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Posts: 116
Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里
丘河Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-12 21:29:45    Post subject: 雪中闻笛(七律) Reply with quote

雪中闻笛


幽梦一帘转醒来,不觉耳热喜颜开。

推窗展眼瞧朦际,越栊粘棂入暖怀。

坐看西风吹雪密,卧思霰珠覆城白。

忽维北寓闻笛语,借问谁人起故哀。

2008.11.13

http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiuhehe
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陪情感在哲理中流淌——
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-11-13 08:25:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

“落”是动词,“白”是形容词,对仗可再推敲。
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丘河
秀才


Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Posts: 116
Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里
丘河Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-17 05:12:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢朋友的指点,大致改了一下,严格上并不是对仗很工整!多多学习了!
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qinghongh
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qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-11-18 08:28:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

改后好多了。
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丘河
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Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Posts: 116
Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里
丘河Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-28 00:03:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

多谢朋友指点,再谢!! thanks
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