丘河 秀才

Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 116 Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里 丘河Collection |
Posted: 2008-11-12 21:29:45 Post subject: 雪中闻笛(七律) |
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雪中闻笛
幽梦一帘转醒来,不觉耳热喜颜开。
推窗展眼瞧朦际,越栊粘棂入暖怀。
坐看西风吹雪密,卧思霰珠覆城白。
忽维北寓闻笛语,借问谁人起故哀。
2008.11.13
http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiuhehe _________________ 陪情感在哲理中流淌—— |
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qinghongh 榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
Posted: 2008-11-13 08:25:40 Post subject: |
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“落”是动词,“白”是形容词,对仗可再推敲。 |
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丘河 秀才

Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 116 Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里 丘河Collection |
Posted: 2008-11-17 05:12:42 Post subject: |
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谢谢朋友的指点,大致改了一下,严格上并不是对仗很工整!多多学习了! _________________ 陪情感在哲理中流淌—— |
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qinghongh 榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
Posted: 2008-11-18 08:28:55 Post subject: |
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改后好多了。 |
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丘河 秀才

Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 116 Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里 丘河Collection |
Posted: 2008-11-28 00:03:32 Post subject: |
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多谢朋友指点,再谢!!  _________________ 陪情感在哲理中流淌—— |
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