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雪中闻笛（七律）
丘河
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Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Posts: 116
Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里
丘河Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-12 21:29:45    Post subject: 雪中闻笛（七律） Reply with quote
雪中闻笛


幽梦一帘转醒来，不觉耳热喜颜开。

推窗展眼瞧朦际，越栊粘棂入暖怀。

坐看西风吹雪密，卧思霰珠覆城白。

忽维北寓闻笛语，借问谁人起故哀。

2008.11.13
http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiuhehe
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陪情感在哲理中流淌——
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-11-13 08:25:40    Post subject: Reply with quote
“落”是动词，“白”是形容词，对仗可再推敲。
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丘河
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Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Posts: 116
Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里
丘河Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-17 05:12:42    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢谢朋友的指点，大致改了一下，严格上并不是对仗很工整！多多学习了！
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qinghongh
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qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-11-18 08:28:55    Post subject: Reply with quote
改后好多了。
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丘河
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Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Posts: 116
Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里
丘河Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-28 00:03:32    Post subject: Reply with quote
多谢朋友指点,再谢!! thanks
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