丘河 秀才
  
  Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 116 Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里 丘河Collection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2008-11-12 21:29:45    Post subject: 雪中闻笛(七律) | 
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				   雪中闻笛
 
 
 
 
幽梦一帘转醒来,不觉耳热喜颜开。
 
 
推窗展眼瞧朦际,越栊粘棂入暖怀。
 
 
坐看西风吹雪密,卧思霰珠覆城白。
 
 
忽维北寓闻笛语,借问谁人起故哀。
 
 
                 2008.11.13
 
http://blog.sina.com.cn/qiuhehe _________________ 陪情感在哲理中流淌—— | 
			 
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		qinghongh 榜眼
 
  Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
  qinghonghCollection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2008-11-13 08:25:40    Post subject:  | 
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				| “落”是动词,“白”是形容词,对仗可再推敲。 | 
			 
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		丘河 秀才
  
  Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 116 Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里 丘河Collection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2008-11-17 05:12:42    Post subject:  | 
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				谢谢朋友的指点,大致改了一下,严格上并不是对仗很工整!多多学习了! _________________ 陪情感在哲理中流淌—— | 
			 
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		qinghongh 榜眼
 
  Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
  qinghonghCollection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2008-11-18 08:28:55    Post subject:  | 
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				| 改后好多了。 | 
			 
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		丘河 秀才
  
  Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 116 Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里 丘河Collection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2008-11-28 00:03:32    Post subject:  | 
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				多谢朋友指点,再谢!!   _________________ 陪情感在哲理中流淌—— | 
			 
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