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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

美梦折夭

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-06-25 05:04:14 Post subject: 美梦折夭

擎黑铁剑戟啸对连营笳角握白银长桨大江挥棹一袭衫、一支箫过黄金城阙，飘飘经由九曲水之湄来今世垂钓  披蓑戴笠一钓竿非钓名利龟鳌先钓一弯月佐闲花野草再钓二篓诗就星辉云貌采菊运河畔欲百年逍遥  只是庄生蝶梦太过迷离飘渺一竿黑水当头无情猛浇二竿破鞋泼洒满天腥潲待帘卷金乌美梦折夭  08年6月 _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-06-25 06:03:41 Post subject:

只是庄生蝶梦太过迷离飘渺写的有气势～问好钓月！

风度飘飘
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Joined: 28 May 2008
Posts: 100

风度飘飘Collection

Posted: 2008-06-25 15:31:13 Post subject:

有词的味道 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/fdpp

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2008-06-25 16:33:27 Post subject:

美梦折夭好像有语病 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-06-26 18:04:04 Post subject:

[quote="半溪明月"]只是庄生蝶梦太过迷离飘渺写的有气势～问好钓月！[/quote] Thanks. _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-06-26 23:43:31 Post subject:

[quote="风度飘飘"]有词的味道[/quote] 现在翻译体的现代诗歌铺天盖地,将来是否现代诗歌的走向就是这样了.否则的话,我们还是要走自己的路,在古诗词的基础上前进半步,不能裹足不前,也不能走得过远,取一种中庸的态度! 这是我的写诗思路,请批! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-06-26 23:44:57 Post subject:

[quote="伤城"] 美梦折夭好像有语病[/quote] 请伤城老师指点一下! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-06-27 20:14:41 Post subject:

先钓一弯月佐闲花野草再钓二篓诗就星辉云貌以上辞意俱佳。钓月就是这么来的吗？哈。个别出稍嫌生涩，如满天腥潲总体感觉很喜欢这种风格，在尺度的把握上再稍稍平易些就更好了。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2008-06-27 23:57:05 Post subject:

待评 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2008-06-28 19:13:22 Post subject:

美梦折夭,应该是美梦夭折，为了押韵。听说过什么人夭折，没见过美梦也能夭折。感到很特别。也没有别的读此诗，恰好有一则李白钓鳌的掌故：《侯鲭录》李白钓鳌，“李白开元中谒宰相，封一板上，题云‘海上钓鳌客李白’。相问曰‘先生临沧海钓巨鳌，以何物为钩线？’白曰‘以风浪逸其情，乾坤纵其志；以虹霓为丝，明月为钩。’相曰‘何物为饵？’白曰‘以天下无义丈夫为饵。 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-06-29 16:57:28 Post subject:

[quote="伤城"]美梦折夭,应该是美梦夭折，为了押韵。 ...[/quote] 谢谢!世上本无路,只是走的人多了,就有了路,在汉语中,词语也是如此,夭折实际上是一个组合起来的词,两个词单独可以成义! 我们诗人是创造词语者,所以为了押韵,我颠倒了一下位置. 问好! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-06-29 16:59:36 Post subject:

此诗是有感于我们当地文学网的一场论争而作! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2008-07-02 06:25:25 Post subject:

现在我喜欢上了“美梦折夭”这个词。折夭，“折腰”乎。戏今天风和日丽，扛着鱼竿一大早出去钓回了几只乌龟和王八钓月。没有钓鳖好。后者是动态的 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-07-02 15:54:30 Post subject:

[quote="伤城"]现在我喜欢上了“美梦折夭”这个词。折夭，“折腰”乎。 ...[/quote] 谢谢伤城朋友! 问好! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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