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Maple Review Home -> 西方文学　Western Literature

HOWL - by Patrick Lane

戴玨
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Posted: 2007-01-23 09:17:14 Post subject: HOWL - by Patrick Lane

HOWL By Patrick Lane The wolves howl with a loneliness that is only theirs. The coyotes howl with the same wish. The solitary loons too on the mountain lakes. I have heard them among the hills and the far valleys. There is no sound like theirs. I know you cannot imagine what it is like. I know you cannot believe anything alive can make that sound. But you will, you will. 號叫帕屈克•雷恩（詩）/戴玨（譯）狼之嚎叫有種狼特有的孤寂。山狗嗥叫，帶著同樣的願望。孤零零的潛鳥在山中的湖上也是這樣嘯鳴。我聽過它們的叫聲在山間，在遠方的山谷漂蕩。沒有哪種聲音像它們的叫聲那樣。我肯定你想像不出那叫聲是怎樣的。我肯定你無法相信世間竟有生物能發出那樣的聲響。但你會的，遲早會的。注：山狗：一種產於北美西部的外表像狼，體型較小的食肉動物，又名郊狼或草原狼。潛鳥：一種外型像鴨的食魚水鳥。

hepingdao
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Posted: 2007-01-23 19:18:11 Post subject:

谢谢戴玨，很好的翻译 coyote：究竟翻译成什么比较好？山狗？小狼？狼狗？ _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

Lake
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Posted: 2007-01-23 20:46:19 Post subject:

翻译的很好。戴玨的翻译还从未让我失望过呢。在北美州，coyote 被解释为 prairie wolf (作者是加拿大人吧？那就取这个定义好了), 有译为草原狼，丛林狼的。我们这儿的狼叫森林狼timberwolf. Common loon 是我们州的州鸟，刚知道中文的名字是白嘴潛鳥. 读这首诗很有感觉。 _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

kino
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Posted: 2007-01-23 22:21:20 Post subject:

问好戴玨，翻译的很有感觉。

kino
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Posted: 2007-01-23 22:23:49 Post subject: 白嘴潜鸟

[/img]

hepingdao
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Posted: 2007-01-23 23:35:22 Post subject:

Lake wrote:

翻译的很好。戴玨的翻译还从未让我失望过呢。

在北美州，coyote 被解释为 prairie wolf (作者是加拿大人吧？那就取这个定义好了), 有译为草原狼，丛林狼的。我们这儿的狼叫森林狼timberwolf. Common loon 是我们州的州鸟，刚知道中文的名字是白嘴潛鳥. 读这首诗很有感觉。

prairie：大草原、牧场
看来，翻译成
草原狼
比较合适

戴玨
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Posted: 2007-01-24 05:01:06 Post subject:

謝各位賞評。 coyote有很多譯名，除了各位列出的，還有土狼和郊狼（我印象中這個應該是中國大陸最常見的叫法）。我之所以用山狗，是想避免用“狼”字，因為我怕中文讀者讀完第一句後，會以為第二句又在說同一種動物。我想還是加個注釋算了。

kino
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Posted: 2007-01-24 18:52:57 Post subject:

加注是个好方法。另外本人也喜欢山狗这个叫法，比再叫什么狼好。狼跟狗本是一家，而且山狗就是中国人概念中的小野狼。

白水
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Posted: 2007-01-24 19:33:52 Post subject:

总体翻译感觉不错, 学习了. 但这句似应斟酌. The coyotes howl with the same wish. 山狗嗥叫，有著同樣的願望。字面译意没错. 但与"狼之嚎叫有種狼特有的孤寂。"呼应, "孤寂"和"愿望"就略显不协调了. 己见, 不妥见谅.

Lake
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Posted: 2007-01-24 19:37:49 Post subject:

谢谢kino的贴图。Common loon 就是这样的。 "我之所以用山狗，是想避免用“狼”字，因為我怕中文讀者讀完第一句後，會以為第二句又在說同一種動物。" 戴玨说的也有道理，我也这样想过。 _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

kokho
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Posted: 2007-01-24 20:37:53 Post subject:

Well done my friend ... _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

hepingdao
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Posted: 2007-01-24 20:47:43 Post subject:

The coyotes howl with the same wish 渴望 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

戴玨
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Posted: 2007-01-25 04:31:14 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

...
但这句似应斟酌.
The coyotes howl with the same wish.
山狗嗥叫，有著同樣的願望。
字面译意没错. 但与"狼之嚎叫有種狼特有的孤寂。"呼应, "孤寂"和"愿望"就略显不协调了.
...

這句不好處理，其實讀原文我也覺得有點不協調，只好盡量將字面意思譯出來，然後讓讀者自己去琢磨。

稍改了一下。

nobody
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Posted: 2007-01-25 05:40:14 Post subject:

译的非常好。我是专业业余，凑个热闹，续一下貂。。。。不满意，但实在需要离开了，希望提供一点借鉴就好。嗥狼之嗥，传荡它自有的孤独。野狗之嗥，作著一样的吐诉。又如山中湖上，那零丁的潛鳥。我聽過这嗥，在山間，在幽谷。再没有声音，似这嗷嗷。我知你想像不出。你亦难信，世间竟有此物。但你會的，遲早。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

hepingdao
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Posted: 2007-01-25 20:42:56 Post subject:

nobody的角度, 更多了点灵气 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

nobody
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Posted: 2007-01-26 00:48:33 Post subject:

戴玨的翻译更忠实。我喜欢忠实的。只是有几处或可商榷。１。　题目。。。咦。。。好像改过了，比原来的好。ok.原来的有点主观。２。　號叫，嚎叫，嗥叫，嘯鳴　。。。有点太辛苦了　３。願望？另外，稍微再简练一些就更好了。我的掐头去尾太多，供参考的. 很欣赏你的。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

戴玨
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Posted: 2007-01-26 03:14:14 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

...
１。　题目。。。咦。。。好像改过了，比原来的好。ok.原来的有点主观。

正是因為你說的原因，所以改了下。

nobody wrote:

２。　號叫，嚎叫，嗥叫，嘯鳴　。。。有点太辛苦了　 Smile

這個當然是為了求變化，也配合不同動物的特點。

nobody wrote:

３。願望？

你的譯文正如hepingdao所說，更靈動。第二句明顯比我的更順暢。
這個地方我想過用欲望，渴望甚至傾向之類的，但不覺得比願望更好。
其實主要是因為原文的意思并非十分清楚，作為譯者，我想做發揮也不敢亂來，所以就以忠實為原則，保守點來做。 Embarassed

我再想想，看怎樣改得更簡練。謝謝你的意見！

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