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One More poem for Bei Mei Feng Translators
shi di fu
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PostPosted: 2007-01-13 10:58:25    Post subject: One More poem for Bei Mei Feng Translators Reply with quote

Kimmy Beach


Karaoke

[The Lounge at Franklin's Inn, Sherwood Park, Alberta,
10 April 2004]

I sit at the bar where I don't have to
look directly at Bonnie murdering
Space Oddity at the Karaoke machine
she is beyond drunk
tonight the double Paralyzers make her deaf
to her own voice

I am nameless
on the TV above the bar a large, sweating
Chinese man forces himself
between the spread legs
of a slightly smaller Chinese man
I'm startled by the man-on-man action

the wine is considerably cheaper (and better)
than the two glasses I drank before
the David Bowie concert tonight
I could hear nothing in my left ear
my front row seat just feet from
the monstrous arena speakers

David Bowie asks my name from the stage
I mouth the word
breathe it up to him
he nods, sings the first few lines
of China Girl in Chinese
when he switches to English, I sing with him
the weight of his glance a hot brick in my pelvis

in my car afterward, Suffragette City spills from my stereo
Bowie from all eras pouring over
elbows perched on open car windows

my beautiful Asian bartender tries
to coax me into performing
he can tell I'm a lovely singer by the way
I hold my pen , sip my wine
my blue eyes in the bar's smoky gloom
purple Karaoke words - Ashes to Ashes
-reflected, tumbling
across my cheek from the TV screen
he touches the base of my glass
leans in, tells me he's sure my voice
makes some lucky man very happy

he's right
but I won't be singing
for him in this odd, place
I'll do my own kind of singing later
as I dream this man wrestling me
under the eyes of thousands, a sweating
and slim David Bowie
(blond hair spilling
into his eyes, one brown, one blue)
the soundtrack of our public love


Kimmy Beach is the author of A Nice Day for Murder, Fake Paul, and Alarum Within, and her new book, In Cars, is forthcoming from Turnstone Press soon. She lives in Red Deer.

Notes for translators:


Mullet, 这是头发的方式,黄色慢的。

Paralyzer, 一杯 很强的酒

Space Oddity, China Girl and Ashes to Ashes, 都是歌曲。
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和平岛
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PostPosted: 2007-01-13 11:52:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great job, shi di fu!

Who wants to translate this poem for the magazine?

Please post your translations right in this topic.

Thanks
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maybe
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PostPosted: 2007-01-13 19:40:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

感觉这一系列挑选的英文诗有一共特色:后现代的人与物质的交谈,透露出遗失与拾起的意识,主观60%的新意识流。
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2007-01-13 19:59:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

maybe wrote:
感觉这一系列挑选的英文诗有一共特色:后现代的人与物质的交谈,透露出遗失与拾起的意识,主观60%的新意识流。


maybe
你来操斧
有请了
Very Happy

谢谢
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maybe
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
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maybeCollection
PostPosted: 2007-01-14 08:13:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
maybe wrote:
感觉这一系列挑选的英文诗有一共特色:后现代的人与物质的交谈,透露出遗失与拾起的意识,主观60%的新意识流。


maybe
你来操斧
有请了
Very Happy

谢谢


谢谢,但我对这首没感觉,甚至不觉得这首是诗。女诗人们或许感觉不同吧。这样借歌词扩大意涵要有连接的意义可能会好些,但即便如此,我不赞同这个方法,即使是open form的写法,标点符号用得不够干净。或许原作者可以解说一下她到底想说啥? Very Happy 直言了!
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shi di fu
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PostPosted: 2007-01-15 03:54:32    Post subject: Some notes for Kimmy Beach's poem Reply with quote

这首诗是简单的。

1. 诗名是酒吧的名字
2。诗人坐在酒吧
3。她的朋友唱 David Bowie 的歌曲。
4。她在电视看见两个中国人正在刷跤运动。
5。她记得摇滚乐会的David Bowie
6. 她记得听一听David Bowie 同时开车。
7。她想想她跟David Bowie 刷跤运动.


不太复杂的。如果你有问题,请你问我把。

"Ashes to Ashes", "Space Oddity", "Suffragette City", 都是歌曲的名字



Steve
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和平岛
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PostPosted: 2007-01-16 08:05:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks, Steve
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白水
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PostPosted: 2007-01-17 06:59:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢 STEVE, 你的到来更有利于我们加强东西方文化的交流. 不仅是字面上, 更有不同的文化背景, 思维方式等多方位深层的东西. 盼能常看到你的回贴.
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shi di fu
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PostPosted: 2007-01-17 12:29:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢你。我现在忙不过来,但是我会明天给你回信,好吧?
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白水
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PostPosted: 2007-01-17 18:11:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

THANKS A LOT STEVE. I AM SUPPRISED THAT YOUR CHINESE IS SO GOOD. Very Happy
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shi di fu
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PostPosted: 2007-01-18 05:40:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

你是客气啦!

真挺好,这个网站。我们讨论翻译英文和中文写法,很有利,使我们互相了解得多。文学上, 不但是文化的产品而且深文化的表现。 这是有用的,因为我们可以了解所不知道的文化的特色,是吗?

我们应该对和平岛热列的感谢!

四海一家

Steve
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kino
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PostPosted: 2007-01-23 22:26:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

试着翻译了以下, 交流。 Sad

卡拉OK

诗/基米•碧切(1)
译/小枪

[2004年4月10日,阿尔伯塔舍伍德公园富兰克林酒店大堂吧]

我坐在酒吧一隅,避免
正视波妮 糟蹋
卡拉OK机播放的《太空意外》
她已酩酊大醉
今晚两杯帕拉拉泽(2)令她
对自己的声音也无动于衷

我无法形容
吧台上方的电视中,一名健壮的中国男子
汗流浃背,挣扎在
另一个身形稍小的中国男人
劈开的双腿间
这男人之戏令我万分惊诧

这里的酒比今晚在大卫•波伊(3)
演唱会前喝的
那两杯相对便宜(且好)
我的左耳几乎聋了
坐在前排座位上
那些巨大的音箱离我仅几尺之遥

大卫•波伊在台上问我的名字
我咀出那几个字
吹了上去
他点点头,开始用中文
唱起《中国姑娘》
当他换成英文,我也跟着唱起来
他的顾盼重若我骨盆里一块热砖

之后在我车里,《塞弗洛基蒂(4)城》从音响漫溢出来
各个时期的波伊倾倒着
胳膊搭在摇下玻璃的车窗上

我漂亮的亚裔侍者企图
哄我去表演
他说我是一个美妙的歌手
从我握笔和呷酒的仪态就可以看出
我蓝色眼睛浸在这酒吧迷蒙的沉郁中
紫色的歌词——《复归灰烬》
——从电视的屏幕映射过来
闪过我的脸庞
他摩挲着我的杯脚
贴过来告诉我他肯定我的歌声
能使某些幸运儿兴奋异常

他说对了
但是我不会为他
在这种奇怪的地方唱歌
稍后我会独自歌唱
若我梦到那个男人
在千万双眼睛的注视下跟我摔跤
一个汗流浃背的,苗条的大卫•波伊
(金发披散,泻进
他的眼睛,一只棕褐,一只碧澈)
我们公然的爱之音轨

译注:
(1)基米•碧切(Kimmy Beach),加拿大诗人,现居瑞德迪尔(Red Deer),著有诗集《谋杀的吉日》,《赝品保罗》和《内部警报》,她的新书《车内》也即将由翻石鹬出版社出版。
(2)Paralyzer,一种烈酒。
(3)David Bowie,加拿大流行歌手,《太空意外》、《中国姑娘》、《塞弗基洛蒂城》和《复归灰烬》都是他演唱的歌曲。
(4)Suffragette,此处系音译,意为“妇女参政权论者”。
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-01-24 05:47:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

這種名詞多,較瑣碎的詩對我來說很難翻的好。
“那两杯相对便宜(且好) ”
這句好像應該是“那兩杯便宜(且好)的多”。
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kino
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PostPosted: 2007-01-24 18:44:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

戴玨 wrote:

“那两杯相对便宜(且好) ”
這句好像應該是“那兩杯便宜(且好)的多”。


这个我觉得语法和表现上差别不大。 Smile
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-01-24 23:56:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

kino wrote:
戴玨 wrote:

“那两杯相对便宜(且好) ”
這句好像應該是“那兩杯便宜(且好)的多”。


这个我觉得语法和表现上差别不大。 Smile

我覺得程度上稍有分別,原文的considerably強調的便是程度較大。
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kino
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PostPosted: 2007-02-11 23:57:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

接受戴玨的意见,待修改。
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