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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

春天，瓶养着的枝条

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2008-03-25 06:02:26 Post subject: 春天，瓶养着的枝条

那枝梅跟那枝桃是接替一束玫瑰，挤进玻璃瓶的那时的它们，正雪白着，绯红着像悠悠的心事，离根水养追春的行程,憔悴不可避免，零落的美丽远离眼泪，尽管在依附着水短暂的沉寂，走过无根的瓶里有细细的绿开始苏醒

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-03-25 16:27:30 Post subject:

无根的花瓶里，一样细细的绿在秃枝上苏醒着不错的句子~问好荷梦!

笑后
秀才

Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 136
Location: From nanjing
笑后Collection

Posted: 2008-03-25 19:19:22 Post subject:

正雪白着，绯红着春像悠悠的心事，离根水养喜欢这样的诗句，问好荷梦！ _________________ 廖蕙琳以写悼亡诗而自成一家，一意孤行！

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2008-03-27 02:43:10 Post subject:

半溪明月 wrote:

无根的花瓶里，一样
细细的绿在秃枝上
苏醒着

不错的句子~问好荷梦!

谢谢明月鼓励。又作了些修改，请批！

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2008-03-27 02:51:13 Post subject:

笑后 wrote:

正雪白着，绯红着春
...

谢谢笑后的喜欢，回好！

溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2008-03-27 05:19:45 Post subject:

雪白着，绯红着像悠悠的心事 _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-03-27 09:41:42 Post subject:

花枝！墨鱼的一种～乌贼！俺的同事～ _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2008-03-28 01:33:53 Post subject:

问好溪语！诗盗，我把题目改了，看你还说什么？（忍不住地好奇：你到底是么事“兽类”？跟墨鱼同事，难不成是海豹，或者海狮。。。。）

莞君
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2008-03-28 02:08:47 Post subject:

欣赏了不错啊莞君问好你 _________________ 莞君

忆江南
童生

Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 21
Location: 中国广东
忆江南Collection

Posted: 2008-03-28 03:06:15 Post subject:

读出了朱自清<<春>>的韵致! _________________ 让心漂流......

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-03-28 20:13:35 Post subject:

那枝梅跟那枝桃是接替一束玫瑰，挤进玻璃瓶的有意境. 喜欢

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2008-03-31 05:53:04 Post subject:

谢谢莞君和忆江南! 回好!

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2008-03-31 05:55:51 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

那枝梅跟那枝桃
是接替一束玫瑰，挤进玻璃瓶的

有意境. 喜欢 Very Happy

谢谢白水喜欢!
晚上好!

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2008-03-31 14:16:53 Post subject:

诗语以叙说为主，如能“唱”起来，则更好。（个见供参考） _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-04-01 20:45:18 Post subject:

两头很好，尤其是首节，开得很好。中间平了。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2008-04-02 02:01:55 Post subject:

谢道模与nobody指教！中间一节实了，没“唱”起来。。。。

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2008-06-11 06:36:41 Post subject:

有细细的绿开始苏醒细细～～～喜欢用的是地方～～ _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

wq0066
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 126
Location: 中国重庆
wq0066Collection

Posted: 2008-06-13 16:42:19 Post subject:

好诗,拜读! 问好朋友! _________________ 天边云一朵苍海粟一粒云儿朵朵随风飘粟儿粒粒满山崖

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