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春天,瓶养着的枝条
荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-25 06:02:26    Post subject: 春天,瓶养着的枝条 Reply with quote

那枝梅跟那枝桃
是接替一束玫瑰,挤进玻璃瓶的
那时的它们,正雪白着,绯红着
像悠悠的心事,离根水养


追春的行程,憔悴
不可避免,零落的美丽
远离眼泪,尽管
在依附着水

短暂的沉寂,走过
无根的瓶里
有细细的绿
开始苏醒
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-25 16:27:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

无根的花瓶里,一样
细细的绿在秃枝上
苏醒着

不错的句子~问好荷梦!
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笑后
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Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 136
Location: From nanjing
笑后Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-25 19:19:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

正雪白着,绯红着春
像悠悠的心事,离根水养

喜欢这样的诗句,问好荷梦!
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廖蕙琳 以写悼亡诗而自成一家,一意孤行!
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-27 02:43:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
无根的花瓶里,一样
细细的绿在秃枝上
苏醒着

不错的句子~问好荷梦!


谢谢明月鼓励。又作了些修改,请批!
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荷梦
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Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-27 02:51:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑后 wrote:
正雪白着,绯红着春
...

谢谢笑后的喜欢,回好!
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溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-27 05:19:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

雪白着,绯红着
像悠悠的心事
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溪语的博客:家住鄂西
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詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-27 09:41:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

花枝!墨鱼的一种~乌贼!俺的同事~
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可情可理,去捧就真
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荷梦
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Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
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PostPosted: 2008-03-28 01:33:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好溪语!
诗盗,我把题目改了,看你还说什么?(忍不住地好奇:你到底是么事“兽类”?跟墨鱼同事,难不成是海豹,或者海狮。。。。)
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莞君
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国 陕西
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PostPosted: 2008-03-28 02:08:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏了 不错啊 莞君问好你
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莞君
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忆江南
童生


Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 21
Location: 中国广东
忆江南Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-28 03:06:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

读出了朱自清<<春>>的韵致!
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让心漂流......
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-28 20:13:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

那枝梅跟那枝桃
是接替一束玫瑰,挤进玻璃瓶的

有意境. 喜欢 Very Happy
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荷梦
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Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
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PostPosted: 2008-03-31 05:53:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢莞君和忆江南!
回好!
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-31 05:55:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
那枝梅跟那枝桃
是接替一束玫瑰,挤进玻璃瓶的

有意境. 喜欢 Very Happy

谢谢白水喜欢!
晚上好!
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-31 14:16:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗语以叙说为主,如能“唱”起来,则更好。(个见供参考)
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模
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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2008-04-01 20:45:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

两头很好,尤其是首节,开得很好。
中间平了。
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I'm nobody! Who are you?
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
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PostPosted: 2008-04-02 02:01:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢道模与nobody指教!
中间一节实了,没“唱”起来。。。。 Embarassed
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阿依琼裙
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Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-11 06:36:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

有细细的绿
开始苏醒

细细~~~喜欢用的是地方~~
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踏过废墟,走来
http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong
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wq0066
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 126
Location: 中国重庆
wq0066Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-13 16:42:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

好诗,拜读!

问好朋友!
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天边云一朵 苍海粟一粒 云儿朵朵随风飘 粟儿粒粒满山崖
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