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五律 by 曲未平
点点儿
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 413
Location: 眇小的地球
点点儿Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-17 13:13:26    Post subject: 五律 by 曲未平 Reply with quote

五律 偷点点诗意,得律呈点点儿

来源: 曲未平 于 08-03-17 13:19:57 [档案] [博客] [旧帖] [转至博客] [给我悄悄话]


点点传诗语,情浓莫重衣。
临屏容可览;把卷意能期。
同想毋多诉;初逢若故知。
欲离还欲近,无奈是相思。

--------------
附点点儿原诗《诗语》

请用诗的语言跟我交流
抛弃一切琐碎
你深陷在坐椅里
我看不见你穿皱的衬衣

我的思路总是飘的很远
我看你敲击桌面的指
声音里分明透出自信
你的头此时应当是仰起来的吧
我多希望
你会看穿屏幕后面对你的
是怎样的一个幽灵

当你一点一点把自己剥裸
不, 一开始,我就看你一览无遗
总是如此似曾相似
一种欣慰,一种接近,一种抗拒
一种毫无道理的逃离

只一瞬
我们已把一生的语言说尽
想为同想
思为同思


//////////////



Razz
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莹雪
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Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-17 19:01:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

很喜欢结尾两联!有画龙点睛之妙。
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点点儿
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 413
Location: 眇小的地球
点点儿Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-18 14:43:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢莹雪~
问安 Smile
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-18 15:21:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

点点儿 wrote:
谢莹雪~
问安 Smile
别客气~
你好 thanks
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是有缘
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Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-18 15:59:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

尾联意深,令人回味。
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