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独行
悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
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悠子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 06:31:48    Post subject: 独行 Reply with quote

谁的炊烟,袅袅牵出旧的记忆
一片叶的语言,描画着荣枯的清晰

一个人,穿梭在喧嚣与静寂的边缘
异域的雨水,总汇不成你的甘甜

你的眼神,亭亭玉立了一截人生
没有花的季节,留下风雨漂涤的色彩

细弱的脚步,还要独自前行
怎样才能,抵达属于我的柳暗花明


02/05/2008[/img]
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啥么
秀才


Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 169

啥么Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 10:01:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

额悄悄地捡起落在地上的灯光~~
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这有点麻烦
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爱爱
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Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 167

爱爱Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 13:19:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

谁的炊烟, 尽是饭菜的香气~~~哈哈~我饿~
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 13:20:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

这次竟然最喜欢结尾那句!(你的甘甜 )加个例如(给)是不是好一些?
(留下风雨滤过的色彩)滤过,这词很想更动。
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 13:23:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

啥么 wrote:
额悄悄地捡起落在地上的灯光~~


啥么!啥么也玩唯美?真个是啥么都会!
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爱爱
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Joined: 03 Feb 2008
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爱爱Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 13:36:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
这次竟然最喜欢结尾那句!(你的甘甜 )加个例如(给)是不是好一些?
...


小声问可不可以说"留下风雨漂(涤)染的色彩"
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詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
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詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 13:41:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

爱爱 wrote:
诗盗喜裸评 wrote:
这次竟然最喜欢结尾那句!(你的甘甜 )加个例如(给)是不是好一些?
...


小声问可不可以说"留下风雨漂(涤)染的色彩"


大点声没关系,只要是读者,在落尘都可以大声说话!当然!饿晕的人除外。
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悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
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悠子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 13:46:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
这次竟然最喜欢结尾那句!(你的甘甜 )加个例如(给)是不是好一些?
...


你给的甘甜,真是给饭吃哪?
谢你喜欢,偶受宠若惊.
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悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
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悠子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 13:46:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

爱爱 wrote:
詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
这次竟然最喜欢结尾那句!(你的甘甜 )加个例如(给)是不是好一些?
...


小声问可不可以说"留下风雨漂(涤)染的色彩"


好的。谢艾艾。
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詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
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Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 13:57:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

悠子 wrote:
爱爱 wrote:
诗盗喜裸评 wrote:
这次竟然最喜欢结尾那句!(你的甘甜 )加个例如(给)是不是好一些?
...


小声问可不可以说"留下风雨漂(涤)染的色彩"


好的。谢艾艾。


黑!真是偏心,我说的从来都质疑,爱爱说的就直接谢啦!
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悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
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悠子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 15:37:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
黑!真是偏心,我说的从来都质疑,爱爱说的就直接谢啦!

那是当然, 还用来抱怨么
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拈花微笑
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Joined: 21 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: 2008-02-05 16:36:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

句子出落得愈发。。。了不起。
嗯,俺开车送你一程吧。沿途的风景好像也不错。。。:)))
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悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
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悠子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 16:58:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

拈花微笑 wrote:
句子出落得愈发。。。了不起。
...

笑笑你这下夸滴偶瞠目结舌

又: 忘了谢你让我搭车。 我笨, 咋没想到呢 Wink
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拈花微笑
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Joined: 21 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: 2008-02-05 17:06:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

悠子 wrote:
拈花微笑 wrote:
句子出落得愈发。。。了不起。
...

笑笑你这下夸滴偶瞠目结舌
...


沿途的风景...瞠目结舌
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瞠目结舌
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悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: 2008-02-05 17:12:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

拈花微笑 wrote:

沿途的风景...瞠目结舌

那太没诗意了, 8像拈花微笑
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拈花微笑
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PostPosted: 2008-02-05 17:21:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

见山是山,见水是水
沿途的风景和目的地的风景都是一样的呢。。。为何有分别 Smile
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悠子
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PostPosted: 2008-02-05 17:27:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

拈花微笑 wrote:
见山是山,见水是水
...

嗯,以后走路时多看风景
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
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PostPosted: 2008-02-06 02:58:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

悠子 wrote:
诗盗喜裸评 wrote:
黑!真是偏心,我说的从来都质疑,爱爱说的就直接谢啦!

那是当然, 还用来抱怨么


当然要抱哪!不抱白不抱,反正我话多!
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