Maple Review :: View topic - 打工之四 <<哀悼自己>> <<痛感>> <<到哪去找>>

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

打工之四 <<哀悼自己>> <<痛感>> <<到哪去找>>

嘉慕思
童生

Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection

Posted: 2008-01-17 21:21:15 Post subject: 打工之四 <<哀悼自己>> <<痛感>> <<到哪去找>>

在京打工 (之四) 1 哀悼自己我要用延缓心跳来诉说此事我把男人的第一次给了一个小姐她说,我要让你看看我我要用我招待你是充满渴望恐惧是充满仇恨的第一次也让我日后充满了甜蜜的自责在工地的废墟上我放声痛哭放声痛哭放声痛哭是淋漓的歌唱 2 痛感送我出门的时候她说我很疼走了很远我回头她的门已经掩上可是那声音依旧爱和恨都沉睡得好好的弄疼它们起码不够礼貌 3 到哪去找到阳光里到钥匙里到砖缝里到一个响亮的喷嚏里到一个很难懂的定义和概念里到菁菁高跟鞋的节奏里到露馨细蜜的梳子里 2006年夏 _________________ 我为自己唱挽歌---文学是个人的选择,不是集体的强加

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-01-17 21:26:51 Post subject:

三言两语，表达得青筋毕现 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-01-17 21:39:57 Post subject:

有点晕. 看来我们这穿惯了旅游鞋的脚回国要痛半个月

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2008-01-17 22:03:55 Post subject:

過去有個阿Q 那是過去. 如同我前面的感覺, 不仿創造個阿京, 阿海,阿疆,阿川等等人物, 塑造出幾個原型形象, 那麼接下來就大有可為了. _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-01-17 22:20:00 Post subject:

到哪去找到阳光里到钥匙里到砖缝里到一个响亮的喷嚏里到一个很难懂的定义和概念里到菁菁高跟鞋的节奏里到露馨细蜜的梳子里这个不错~

嘉慕思
童生

Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection

Posted: 2008-01-18 23:16:34 Post subject:

nobody 白水 Moonlight 博弈半溪明月愿同谢 ! 友情珍贵 ! 思当不悔! _________________ 我为自己唱挽歌---文学是个人的选择,不是集体的强加

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-01-19 02:02:07 Post subject:

去掉这一句：放声痛哭是淋漓的歌唱 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-01-19 02:03:21 Post subject:

杯中冲浪 wrote:

去掉这一句：放声痛哭是淋漓的歌唱

不，同，意。

_________________
I'm nobody! Who are you?

嘉慕思
童生

Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 19:14:35 Post subject:

谢杯中冲浪建议. 赞同 nobody 看法.保留. _________________ 我为自己唱挽歌---文学是个人的选择,不是集体的强加

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2008-01-24 00:11:01 Post subject:

歌者对生活的注释不必慎重你有福了没有人会剥夺你的方式就象没有人会强加给你自由一样! _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

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