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打工之四 <<哀悼自己>> <<痛感>> <<到哪去找>>
嘉慕思
童生


Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-17 21:21:15    Post subject: 打工之四 <<哀悼自己>> <<痛感>> <<到哪去找>> Reply with quote

在京打工 (之四)

1
哀悼自己


我要用延缓心跳来诉说此事
我把男人的第一次
给了一个小姐

她说,我要让你看看我
我要用我招待你

是充满渴望 恐惧
是充满仇恨的第一次
也让我日后充满了甜蜜的自责

在工地的废墟上我放声痛哭
放声痛哭

放声痛哭是淋漓的歌唱

2
痛感


送我出门的时候
她说 我很疼

走了很远
我回头 她的门已经掩上
可是那声音依旧

爱和恨
都沉睡得好好的
弄疼它们
起码不够礼貌

3
到哪去找


到阳光里
到钥匙里
到砖缝里
到 一个响亮的喷嚏里

到一个
很难懂的定义和概念里
到菁菁高跟鞋的节奏里
到露馨细蜜的梳子里
2006年夏
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2008-01-17 21:26:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

三言两语,表达得青筋毕现
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-17 21:39:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

有点晕.

看来我们这穿惯了旅游鞋的脚回国要痛半个月 Very Happy
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-17 22:03:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

過去有個阿Q
那是過去.

如同我前面的感覺, 不仿創造個阿京, 阿海,阿疆,阿川等等人物, 塑造出幾個原型形象, 那麼接下來就大有可為了. Cool
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-17 22:20:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

到哪去找


到阳光里
到钥匙里
到砖缝里
到 一个响亮的喷嚏里

到一个
很难懂的定义和概念里
到菁菁高跟鞋的节奏里
到露馨细蜜的梳子里


这个不错~
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嘉慕思
童生


Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-18 23:16:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

nobody
白水 Moonlight
博弈
半溪明月
愿同谢 !

友情珍贵 !
思当不悔!
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-19 02:02:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

去掉这一句:放声痛哭是淋漓的歌唱
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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2008-01-19 02:03:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

杯中冲浪 wrote:
去掉这一句:放声痛哭是淋漓的歌唱

不,同,意。 Laughing
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嘉慕思
童生


Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-21 19:14:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢 杯中冲浪建议.
赞同 nobody 看法.保留.
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-24 00:11:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

歌者 对生活的注释不必慎重

你有福了 没有人会剥夺你的方式

就象没有人会强加给你自由一样!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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