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《无端》
了因大兄
秀才


Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-29 15:05:35    Post subject: 《无端》 Reply with quote
《无端》

她脸上涂满蛋清，今日无事
想些往事，想用蛋壳内的洁
吸脸上的意义的尘土。

多少往事，已熄灭
红唇上的烈火，没有熄灭
薪火相传，有风助火威之势。

用竹篮打水，水中的面目
动荡不见了，静时又现
水，回到不到往日的清静了。

蛋黄，静静的沉静在洁白的碗底
圆圆的苍白的脸内，又无端的多了
一个黄脸婆。

2007/12/5
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我不是树上的黑木耳，我被爱过
不能随随便便不回家
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-12-29 15:43:54    Post subject: Reply with quote
夸大兄很多了，应该攒够了资格。。。不夸了吧。
不是最擅长的，也没认真写。
回到不到？笔误吧。
薪火相传的用法也值得商榷。
个见。 Laughing
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-30 05:06:01    Post subject: Reply with quote
有意思Very Happy

问好新年.
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-30 11:37:45    Post subject: Reply with quote
喜欢了因大兄的诗！！！
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-30 12:29:25    Post subject: Reply with quote
把中间2节去掉，似乎更好。问候了因，希望多多回复其他朋友的帖子。
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了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-02 02:10:14    Post subject: Reply with quote
问好三位.这首没写好,各位眼好亮.有空多指点.
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