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梅(原创）

寒溪幽兰
童生

Joined: 03 Jun 2006
Posts: 13

寒溪幽兰Collection

Posted: 2006-06-03 04:48:22 Post subject: 梅(原创）

梅作者：余凤兰打开雪花的洁白你衣袂飘飘绽放一朵心事半阕暗香浮动春天的张望谁执玉笛扰了清寂的意境淡红或浅白柔软了瓣瓣晶莹七分傲骨三分澄清循着落花的浅痕谛听旧时月色清冷今夜的蘩星不屈的身姿蓬勃在寒冬冰天雪地敞开心怀在自己的时令铮铮气节与凛然化着枝头笑靥迎接千年不变的风景梅摇曳雪的秘密春天从寒冷中溢出旧年新约执杯声中幽香隐隐朵朵是情雪为流水梅为落花来年醉卧你的疏影 436000 湖北省鄂州市石山中学余凤兰 ezyulan@163.com

雪泥
秀才

Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 255
Location: 西欧
雪泥Collection

Posted: 2006-06-03 05:05:58 Post subject:

喜欢，就最后一行‘清冷’冷了点 _________________ 《梅园文学》总编欢迎各种体裁的投稿雪泥博客： http://xueniwriting.blog.sohu.com/

雪泥
秀才

Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 255
Location: 西欧
雪泥Collection

Posted: 2006-06-03 05:07:22 Post subject:

还有两个版本，得重读 _________________ 《梅园文学》总编欢迎各种体裁的投稿雪泥博客： http://xueniwriting.blog.sohu.com/

雪泥
秀才

Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 255
Location: 西欧
雪泥Collection

Posted: 2006-06-03 05:10:44 Post subject:

有些句子很好，紧缩为15行以内短诗，再尝试一下？如果好，我们可考虑采用。 _________________ 《梅园文学》总编欢迎各种体裁的投稿雪泥博客： http://xueniwriting.blog.sohu.com/

尹士林
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Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 416
Location: 河北保定易县中学
尹士林Collection

Posted: 2006-06-03 16:42:24 Post subject:

雪泥说的不错，诗意已经出来了，再精练一下语言，可为佳作。 _________________ 忧郁过、犹豫过，从未放弃过！！！！！河北易县中学尹士林

寒溪幽兰
童生

Joined: 03 Jun 2006
Posts: 13

寒溪幽兰Collection

Posted: 2006-06-04 08:57:26 Post subject: 感谢我试试

雪泥 wrote:

有些句子很好，紧缩为15行以内短诗，再尝试一下？如果好，我们可考虑采用。

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Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
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