Maple Review :: View topic - 累了贴首去睡觉！！《别》前辈们多批评

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

累了贴首去睡觉！！《别》前辈们多批评

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 11:31:10 Post subject: 累了贴首去睡觉！！《别》前辈们多批评

《别》落了落了你像秋天剩余的一滴泪水点在初冬的眉上空气沸腾了一个呆立的姿势反复地被浇烫落了落了真的落了泥土不仅像流水更像大海

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 18:05:06 Post subject:

别别

赵福治
探花

Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 18:52:36 Post subject:

泥土不仅像流水更像大海....递进.

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 19:14:30 Post subject:

需要进一步理解

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-12-07 17:45:17 Post subject:

迪拜 wrote:

需要进一步理解

我想做到用诗歌本身的结构说话！现在还做得不够好，可能就会显得空了点！！谢谢迪拜

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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