| 子花 秀才
 
 
 Joined: 08 Mar 2007
 Posts: 722
 
 子花Collection
 | 
			
				|  Posted: 2007-12-01 11:31:10    Post subject: 累了贴首去睡觉!!《别》前辈们多批评 |   |  
				| 
 |  
				| 《别》 
 落了   落了
 你像秋天剩余的一滴泪水
 点在初冬的眉上
 空气沸腾了
 一个呆立的姿势反复地被浇烫
 
 落了
 落了
 真的落了
 泥土不仅像流水
 更像大海
 |  | 
	
		| Back to top |  | 
	
		|  |  | 
	
		|  | 
	
		| 白水 大学士
 
  
 Joined: 02 Oct 2006
 Posts: 14102
 Location: TORONTO
 白水Collection
 | 
			
				|  Posted: 2007-12-01 18:05:06    Post subject: |   |  
				| 
 |  
				| 别别  |  | 
	
		| Back to top |  | 
	
		|  |  | 
	
		|  | 
	
		| 赵福治 探花
 
  
 Joined: 30 May 2006
 Posts: 3456
 Location: 中国北京
 赵福治Collection
 | 
			
				|  Posted: 2007-12-01 18:52:36    Post subject: |   |  
				| 
 |  
				| 泥土不仅像流水 更像大海....递进.
 |  | 
	
		| Back to top |  | 
	
		|  |  | 
	
		|  | 
	
		| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
 | 
			
				|  Posted: 2007-12-01 19:14:30    Post subject: |   |  
				| 
 |  
				| 需要进一步理解 |  | 
	
		| Back to top |  | 
	
		|  |  | 
	
		|  | 
	
		| 子花 秀才
 
 
 Joined: 08 Mar 2007
 Posts: 722
 
 子花Collection
 | 
			
				|  Posted: 2007-12-07 17:45:17    Post subject: |   |  
				| 
 |  
				| 我想做到用诗歌本身的结构说话!现在还做得不够好,可能就会显得空了点!!谢谢迪拜
 |  | 
	
		| Back to top |  | 
	
		|  |  | 
	
		|  | 
	
		|  |