子花 秀才
Joined: 08 Mar 2007 Posts: 722
子花Collection |
Posted: 2007-12-01 11:31:10 Post subject: 累了贴首去睡觉!!《别》前辈们多批评 |
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《别》
落了 落了
你像秋天剩余的一滴泪水
点在初冬的眉上
空气沸腾了
一个呆立的姿势反复地被浇烫
落了
落了
真的落了
泥土不仅像流水
更像大海 |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2007-12-01 18:05:06 Post subject: |
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别别  |
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赵福治 探花

Joined: 30 May 2006 Posts: 3456 Location: 中国北京 赵福治Collection |
Posted: 2007-12-01 18:52:36 Post subject: |
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泥土不仅像流水
更像大海....递进. |
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迪拜 同进士出身
Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 1588
迪拜Collection |
Posted: 2007-12-01 19:14:30 Post subject: |
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需要进一步理解 |
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子花 秀才
Joined: 08 Mar 2007 Posts: 722
子花Collection |
Posted: 2007-12-07 17:45:17 Post subject: |
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我想做到用诗歌本身的结构说话!现在还做得不够好,可能就会显得空了点!!谢谢迪拜 |
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