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The Rain of Autumn
白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-06 09:56:30    Post subject: The Rain of Autumn Reply with quote

The Rain of Autumn

Drips, drips
rain is telling me
Deep autumn has come
bustling for this season
“What are you doing?
Do you want to water the snowflake?”
I enswathe my dust coat and
wait, in the desolation garden,

I wait for the chill
to bloom white flowers
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-06 15:14:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

很精致的一首小诗
_________________
写诗是为了写更好的诗
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-06 20:38:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks for your encouragement. it's just a instantaneous feeling
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
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PostPosted: 2006-12-05 13:14:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Rain of Autumn

Drips, drips ...
Deep autumn has
come bustling.

The rain says,
“What are you doing?
Do you really want to wet the snowflake?”

Enswathing my dust coat and
waited, in the desolate garden ...

Will the chill
blooms white flowers?

.
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-05 17:06:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

kokho wrote:
The Rain of Autumn

Drips, drips ...
Deep autumn has
come bustling.

The rain says,
“What are you doing?
Do you really want to wet the snowflake?”

Enswathing my dust coat and
waited, in the desolate garden ...

Will he chill
blooms white flowers?

.


谢谢你. 经你修改后诗歌韵味增强了, 末段也因拟人化使诗歌多了几分灵动.
Enswathing my dust coat and
waited, in the desolate garden ...
只是不太清楚waited你为何加ED?
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2006-12-06 10:54:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

月光 wrote:


谢谢你. 经你修改后诗歌韵味增强了, 末段也因拟人化使诗歌多了几分灵动.
Enswathing my dust coat and
waited, in the desolate garden ...
只是不太清楚waited你为何加ED?


当诗人 也已不再那里等着。。 不是更desolate 了吗?

。。
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-06 18:31:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

kokho wrote:
月光 wrote:


谢谢你. 经你修改后诗歌韵味增强了, 末段也因拟人化使诗歌多了几分灵动.
Enswathing my dust coat and
waited, in the desolate garden ...
只是不太清楚waited你为何加ED?


当诗人 也已不再那里等着。。 不是更desolate 了吗?

。。

哎! 我好不容易被朋友的金玉良言从UPSET中拉出来, 你怎么又把我送回去了...... Crying or Very sad
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2006-12-07 12:17:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

Will the chill
blooms white flowers?

才是高潮。。。为了这个高潮,那个诗人的存在,并不需要 ;))

。。
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-08 10:02:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

kokho wrote:
Will the chill
blooms white flowers?

才是高潮。。。为了这个高潮,那个诗人的存在,并不需要 ;))

。。


YEAH, YOU ARE RIGHT, NOW I SEE
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