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我在轻雾中沉睡
墨染红颜
童生


Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 69

墨染红颜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-06 04:00:20    Post subject: 我在轻雾中沉睡 Reply with quote

面条在盒子里伸出千手
爬进口腔,迅速填满胃馕
下坠或上升

一个妇女攥着小包
头上的行李架两座山一样的
是身边的老汉帮忙搭上去的
眼里——没有我和我们
此时她在回家的路上或是去梦的地方
安静的将翅翼收藏

婴儿的哭声穿不过铁轨
晃悠悠摇着时间的手,昂起的脑袋
红彤彤的唇在姑娘的臂弯里添着梦
那中年汉子靠着女人的肩膀,脸上盖着美女画报
酣声光着脚踩碎了茶几上的水杯
神气的在车厢里穿来窜去
游戏的孩子,点星星的汉子,没有了声音
他们都去了梦的地方

香蕉、瓜子围捕着方便面在呼吸中倾泄
捧着书的手啃着苹果吮吸水的源头
在子夜的车厢里流进喉间
撑不住两扇门,在下一声长鸣中瞬间敞开
微笑着——你站在窗外
我在轻雾中——沉睡

2006-12-6
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风花飞有态,烟絮坠无痕。
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-06 04:16:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

比较生动的场面刻画。欣赏:酣声光着脚踩碎了茶几上的水杯
神气的在车厢里穿来窜去
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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维鹿延
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-06 08:53:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

车内百态,一睡皆知。
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散步者身体里面的声音
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了因大兄
秀才


Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-06 18:12:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

角度比较独特。
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我不是树上的黑木耳,我被爱过
不能随随便便不回家
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1236932795
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左岸
秀才


Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-07 03:53:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

大量的意象铺垫,人生某一时刻的缩影。
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黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河
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