Maple Review :: View topic

	Chinese Literature Society of North America \| Maple Review \| Immigrants in Canada \| Angel Studio \| The Driftwood Artist Society \| Ocean of Poetry \| Island of Music "HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
	FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Sign in Blogs Weblogs News Album



Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

鸟影

彭世学
秀才

Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Posts: 187
Location: 中国
彭世学Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 19:31:05 Post subject: 鸟影

鸟影（外一首）彭世学在七月冥想飘雪的冬日一些惬意的感觉擦身而过如一股凉爽的风一只孤独的狼目光慵倦所有的念头被蝉识破编成小曲无聊地哼着灰蒙蒙的天空没有一只鸟影又全是鸟影《丰收之后》静飘的落叶带着秋天的喜悦投向大地的怀抱和蔼的太阳在离开大地之前留一个甜蜜的微笑象深刻的启示抑或满意的答案勤劳而智慧的人们在丰收之后看冷静的秋水从平原爬上额头风掠过山巅掠过收割后的田地象一个哲人抑或一个歌人 _________________ 认为诗是悬崖上的孤松，栖鸟是她唯一的养料我的博客： http://blog.sina.com.cn/pengshixue 《网文荟萃》报：http://bbs.wangwenw.com/index.asp

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 19:35:14 Post subject:

灰蒙蒙的天空没有一只鸟影又全是鸟影 _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-09-08 19:38:01 Post subject:

读来有惊喜。让人有种想说谢谢的感觉第二首较平。一只孤独的狼目光慵倦所有的念头被蝉识破编成小曲无聊地哼着如果都统一在这个水平上，就很可观！ _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

彭世学
秀才

Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Posts: 187
Location: 中国
彭世学Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 19:47:07 Post subject:

阿依琼裙 wrote:

灰蒙蒙的天空
没有一只鸟影
又全是鸟影

多谢阿依琼裙阅读与点评！问好！！
_________________
认为诗是悬崖上的孤松，栖鸟是她唯一的养料
我的博客：
http://blog.sina.com.cn/pengshixue
《网文荟萃》报：http://bbs.wangwenw.com/index.asp

彭世学
秀才

Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Posts: 187
Location: 中国
彭世学Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 19:52:08 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

读来有惊喜。让人有种想说谢谢的感觉 Very Happy

第二首较平。

一只孤独的狼
目光慵倦
所有的念头
被蝉识破
编成小曲
无聊地哼着

如果都统一在这个水平上，就很可观！

谢nobody版主点评！第二首是一篇旧作，最近整理出来，叠加在一起，发了出来。问好！！
_________________
认为诗是悬崖上的孤松，栖鸟是她唯一的养料
我的博客：
http://blog.sina.com.cn/pengshixue
《网文荟萃》报：http://bbs.wangwenw.com/index.asp

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 23:47:20 Post subject:

《鸟影》不错，但是，最好把最后2行，改成“鸟已经过去了”试一试，得罪。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-09-09 09:47:31 Post subject:

两首各有韵味. 1 新意, 2 自然. 问好

彭世学
秀才

Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Posts: 187
Location: 中国
彭世学Collection

Posted: 2007-09-09 15:28:04 Post subject:

迪拜 wrote:

《鸟影》不错，

但是，最好把最后2行，

改成“鸟已经过去了”试一试，

得罪。

谢谢迪拜朋友的评点与建议，我会考虑的。问好！！
_________________
认为诗是悬崖上的孤松，栖鸟是她唯一的养料
我的博客：
http://blog.sina.com.cn/pengshixue
《网文荟萃》报：http://bbs.wangwenw.com/index.asp

彭世学
秀才

Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Posts: 187
Location: 中国
彭世学Collection

Posted: 2007-09-09 15:29:46 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

两首各有韵味. 1 新意, 2 自然.

问好

多谢白版主的认可！遥握！！
_________________
认为诗是悬崖上的孤松，栖鸟是她唯一的养料
我的博客：
http://blog.sina.com.cn/pengshixue
《网文荟萃》报：http://bbs.wangwenw.com/index.asp

Display posts from previous:

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

Page 1 of 1 View previous topic View next topic

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME