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《近期偏见 2 》1[2]  Next
遛达的七七
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Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-08 21:47:50    Post subject: 《近期偏见 2 》 Reply with quote

<合 金>

蛟龙在岩石上绘画
他喷出的烟火里跳着鱼
可惜他没有耐性

我要的铜和锡在山体内部
聚集,等候我肉身长成。
……蛟龙后来没有完成什么作品

冶炼烧毁了我的记忆
致使遥远的未来变做尘埃
他弃置的啸声在减音。他扭动、腾云驾雾
昏聩地掠过高高的密林

江山宏大无人理
蛟龙盘桓游弋,随机查看
几兜玉王白菜
那也无需锄草和扶植。他心意即旨意

在煮开的浆汁上
浮着我沸腾的面容
炭火释放他的名
多少飞蛾死于孤独无罪

龙,请你出借最好的牙齿
咬紧我的命
请画下我的焦急
画下,我急于摆脱的矿脉、水文和云的喻意
请在我途经天堂时惊醒,张弓
乱箭穿破我心
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-08 23:21:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

龙的后裔
爱情的冶炼呀

感觉好呀
Very Happy
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遛达的七七
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Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-09 00:22:51    Post subject: 呵呵,和岛 Reply with quote

很遗憾,此文与爱情无关,更与“龙的后裔”无关——该不会误会到“爱情结晶”什么的吧,哈~~

问好先,佳节快乐。哦,对了,很喜欢新北美枫的绿色 :)
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左岸
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Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-13 15:32:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗写得有深度,笔力雄健,意象叠起,视觉顿觉开阔。
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黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-13 19:51:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

请画下我的焦急
画下,我急于摆脱的矿脉、水文和云的喻意
请在我途经天堂时惊醒,张弓
乱箭穿破我心
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。内节奏把握好。
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孙慧峰
童生


Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 97

孙慧峰Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-18 02:50:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

有一种激烈。语言的跳转速度好快。耐琢磨,诗意自由。
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杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-21 03:29:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

请在我途经天堂时惊醒,张弓
乱箭穿破我心
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维鹿延
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
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PostPosted: 2006-10-24 09:44:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

隐喻。
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迪拜
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Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-02 18:20:17    Post subject: 感觉不错 Reply with quote

应该是组诗里的一首.连起来看,会更好
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左岸
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Joined: 12 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: 2006-11-06 01:42:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

龙,请你出借最好的牙齿
咬紧我的命
请画下我的焦急
画下,我急于摆脱的矿脉、水文和云的喻意
请在我途经天堂时惊醒,张弓
乱箭穿破我心
意象惊艳!
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杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
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杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-07 01:01:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

语调优雅,很好的感觉。
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了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
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了因大兄Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-18 20:07:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好七小姐,没想在这又相见了。

这合金是思维的,与物的性格和冲动有关。
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我不是树上的黑木耳,我被爱过
不能随随便便不回家
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左岸
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Joined: 12 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: 2006-11-19 19:50:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

再读风格奇异的好诗。
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蓝桥
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蓝桥Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-20 04:31:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

风格出众!喜欢欣赏!
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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-09-13 16:49:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

提读。大家看看。
趁她这几天还在。

你说,去去就来
我得防备,那会是永别。
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2007-09-13 16:55:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

nobody wrote:
提读。大家看看。
趁她这几天还在。

你说,去去就来
我得防备,那会是永别。


放心, 有你在, 她不会走
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nobody
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PostPosted: 2007-09-13 17:17:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
nobody wrote:
提读。大家看看。
趁她这几天还在。

你说,去去就来
我得防备,那会是永别。


放心, 有你在, 她不会走


我缺心眼,随时会死的。。。
遗嘱都写好了,把全部资产都留给她!

是负资产。不多,洗999999999只碗就搞定了。
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-13 17:31:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

nobody wrote:
白水 Moonlight wrote:
nobody wrote:
提读。大家看看。
趁她这几天还在。

你说,去去就来
我得防备,那会是永别。


放心, 有你在, 她不会走


我缺心眼,随时会死的。。。
遗嘱都写好了,把全部资产都留给她!

是负资产。不多,洗999999999只碗就搞定了。


77, 看见没? 跑了不是 Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-13 17:59:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

不过这首诗确实不错

给人一种熔岩在山体腾燃的感觉.

龙,请你出借最好的牙齿
咬紧我的命
请画下我的焦急
画下,我急于摆脱的矿脉、水文和云的喻意
请在我途经天堂时惊醒,张弓
乱箭穿破我心

这段最好!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
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PostPosted: 2007-09-13 18:55:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

从小踢球,水平还行,技术流,嘿嘿。看人出脚,一般就知有没有。各行各业也都是这样。
这第一脚,“乱箭穿破我心“ (对不起,我一般倒着看)。。。哇,有。还挺震撼呢。
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