Maple Review :: View topic - 《近期偏见 2 》

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《近期偏见 2 》

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遛达的七七
秀才

Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection

Posted: 2006-10-08 21:47:50 Post subject: 《近期偏见 2 》

<合金> 蛟龙在岩石上绘画他喷出的烟火里跳着鱼可惜他没有耐性我要的铜和锡在山体内部聚集，等候我肉身长成。 ……蛟龙后来没有完成什么作品冶炼烧毁了我的记忆致使遥远的未来变做尘埃他弃置的啸声在减音。他扭动、腾云驾雾昏聩地掠过高高的密林江山宏大无人理蛟龙盘桓游弋，随机查看几兜玉王白菜那也无需锄草和扶植。他心意即旨意在煮开的浆汁上浮着我沸腾的面容炭火释放他的名多少飞蛾死于孤独无罪龙，请你出借最好的牙齿咬紧我的命请画下我的焦急画下，我急于摆脱的矿脉、水文和云的喻意请在我途经天堂时惊醒，张弓乱箭穿破我心

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-08 23:21:34 Post subject:

龙的后裔爱情的冶炼呀感觉好呀 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

遛达的七七
秀才

Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection

Posted: 2006-10-09 00:22:51 Post subject: 呵呵，和岛

很遗憾，此文与爱情无关，更与“龙的后裔”无关——该不会误会到“爱情结晶”什么的吧，哈~~ 问好先，佳节快乐。哦，对了，很喜欢新北美枫的绿色：）

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-10-13 15:32:39 Post subject:

诗写得有深度，笔力雄健，意象叠起，视觉顿觉开阔。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

赵福治
探花

Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection

Posted: 2006-10-13 19:51:41 Post subject:

请画下我的焦急画下，我急于摆脱的矿脉、水文和云的喻意请在我途经天堂时惊醒，张弓乱箭穿破我心。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。内节奏把握好。

孙慧峰
童生

Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 97

孙慧峰Collection

Posted: 2006-10-18 02:50:50 Post subject:

有一种激烈。语言的跳转速度好快。耐琢磨，诗意自由。

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-10-21 03:29:27 Post subject:

请在我途经天堂时惊醒，张弓乱箭穿破我心 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

维鹿延
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection

Posted: 2006-10-24 09:44:11 Post subject:

隐喻。 _________________ 散步者身体里面的声音

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2006-11-02 18:20:17 Post subject: 感觉不错

应该是组诗里的一首.连起来看,会更好

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-11-06 01:42:09 Post subject:

龙，请你出借最好的牙齿咬紧我的命请画下我的焦急画下，我急于摆脱的矿脉、水文和云的喻意请在我途经天堂时惊醒，张弓乱箭穿破我心意象惊艳！ _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-11-07 01:01:09 Post subject:

语调优雅，很好的感觉。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection

Posted: 2006-11-18 20:07:21 Post subject:

问好七小姐，没想在这又相见了。这合金是思维的，与物的性格和冲动有关。 _________________ 我不是树上的黑木耳，我被爱过不能随随便便不回家 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1236932795

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-11-19 19:50:29 Post subject:

再读风格奇异的好诗。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

蓝桥
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 105

蓝桥Collection

Posted: 2006-11-20 04:31:21 Post subject:

风格出众！喜欢欣赏！

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-09-13 16:49:40 Post subject:

提读。大家看看。趁她这几天还在。你说，去去就来我得防备，那会是永别。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 16:55:32 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

提读。大家看看。
趁她这几天还在。

你说，去去就来
我得防备，那会是永别。

放心, 有你在, 她不会走

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-09-13 17:17:04 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

nobody wrote:

提读。大家看看。
趁她这几天还在。

你说，去去就来
我得防备，那会是永别。

放心, 有你在, 她不会走

我缺心眼，随时会死的。。。
遗嘱都写好了，把全部资产都留给她！

是负资产。不多，洗999999999只碗就搞定了。
_________________
I'm nobody! Who are you?

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 17:31:21 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

nobody wrote:

提读。大家看看。
趁她这几天还在。

你说，去去就来
我得防备，那会是永别。

放心, 有你在, 她不会走

我缺心眼，随时会死的。。。
遗嘱都写好了，把全部资产都留给她！

是负资产。不多，洗999999999只碗就搞定了。

77, 看见没? 跑了不是 Very Happy

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 17:59:56 Post subject:

不过这首诗确实不错给人一种熔岩在山体腾燃的感觉．龙，请你出借最好的牙齿咬紧我的命请画下我的焦急画下，我急于摆脱的矿脉、水文和云的喻意请在我途经天堂时惊醒，张弓乱箭穿破我心这段最好！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-09-13 18:55:03 Post subject:

从小踢球，水平还行，技术流，嘿嘿。看人出脚，一般就知有没有。各行各业也都是这样。这第一脚，“乱箭穿破我心“ （对不起，我一般倒着看）。。。哇，有。还挺震撼呢。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

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