Maple Review Home
   Chinese Literature Society of North America | Maple Review | Immigrants in Canada | Angel Studio | The Driftwood Artist Society | Ocean of Poetry | Island of Music
"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister  ProfileProfile    Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Sign inSign in   BlogsBlogs    Weblogs NewsWeblogs News   AlbumAlbum 
English Home Bilingual Home Chinese Home
Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> English Poetry Post new topic   Reply to topic
I met you in the sky
博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-29 07:48:03    Post subject: I met you in the sky Reply with quote

I met you in the sky


.

Said, you were bored with life
Wanted to dump out its sediment
The silhouette of this past tense
Says, I wanted to travel, if only
Got a ticket to could-have-beens
I would have bagged nothing

..


She picked a morning to draw the sky
Limited it to black and white
Clouds were white, the sun was …
The air had a plan

A pencil—not sure 2B lead or not 2B— dropped from the sky
Varying shades it brought along
”Every brush I lay on you” bid she
”You in the shade return to the tail of my core
Imprint my canvas with thumbs of souls”

Unfinished is a sketch of
the moss of remorse

She pondered.





Looking into the far far-away
A space limitless
A place with no ghosts
But, I dreamt

In a shuttle of no ghosts
Words, floating in space
In weightless-ness
In feelings

Civilizations
Revolutions
Mi Ultimo Adios
Left on earth with ghosts

Looking into the emptiness
Hellos in such a Hell-So distance
Yet, I think for where I go
A place with no ghosts


....


She
was
transcended

There I was, observing finds
Catching her, the angle's first deer smile
The coffee spill and her scent, smelt
The sketch neither black, nor white
Reflected in the window my beard and
“ if you mind switching to the other side?”


.....


I read your face, prying into the colors hidden behind.
Did I mention your pupils the goddess gate I find
The halos to the canvas of heart inside

Little did I realize
I’d just met you in the sky
_________________
(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog Visit poster's website
Lake
举人


Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection
PostPosted: 2007-06-29 10:46:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

又读博弈新鲜出笼大作。

1 题目“I met you in the sky ” 已然吸眼球。
一些诗动不动就是“无题”,殊不知诗歌这么短小的文学体裁,题目不加以利用,纯属浪费。 个见。
“I met you in the sky ”, 令人遐思,遇上空姐了?空中仙遇?。。。

2 stanza 之间用了 dot ,给人以想象的空间,因为初看还以为是 省略号,细看才知道是用来分段的。

3 you, I, she 我读起来有些混乱,不过近来读诗也学乖了 ,我可以是我,也可以是你,也可以是他,随读者去想吧。不过读书那阵,让老师修理过,还专门送我一本关于正确使用 persona的语法书。我想现在应该是过时了。

4 “You in the shade return to the tail of my core "
I am not familiar with "the tail of my core".

5 "Catching her, the angle's first deer smile "
I wonder what "a deer smile" would be.


A romantic write.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Blog
kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-06-29 10:51:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is one of your more conventional work.

But I like it very much!!!

It is very English in it expression.

Cool Laughing Laughing

.
I agreed with Lake, Mark is in Romantic mood Wink)
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Blog
博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-01 08:49:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lake wrote:
又读博弈新鲜出笼大作。

1 题目“I met you in the sky ” 已然吸眼球。
一些诗动不动就是“无题”,殊不知诗歌这么短小的文学体裁,题目不加以利用,纯属浪费。 个见。
“I met you in the sky ”, 令人遐思,遇上空姐了?空中仙遇?。。。

2 stanza 之间用了 dot ,给人以想象的空间,因为初看还以为是 省略号,细看才知道是用来分段的。

3 you, I, she 我读起来有些混乱,不过近来读诗也学乖了 ,我可以是我,也可以是你,也可以是他,随读者去想吧。不过读书那阵,让老师修理过,还专门送我一本关于正确使用 persona的语法书。我想现在应该是过时了。

4 “You in the shade return to the tail of my core "
I am not familiar with "the tail of my core".

5 "Catching her, the angle's first deer smile "
I wonder what "a deer smile" would be.


A romantic write.


这首是有点在玩时态与人称,湖 慧眼。
tail of my core... can't explain easily, depending what core is here...all the definitions in dictionary could apply while borrowing the pencil analogy.
_________________
(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Emoticons
Very Happy Smile Sad Surprised
Shocked Confused Cool Laughing
Mad Razz Embarassed Crying or Very sad
Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil Rolling Eyes Wink
Exclamation Question Idea Arrow
View more Emoticons
Page 1 of 1           View previous topic View next topic    
Maple Review Home -> English Poetry    Post new topic   Reply to topic
Jump to:  


Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME