| 博弈 榜眼
 
 
 Joined: 21 Dec 2006
 Posts: 4381
 Location: SFO
 博弈Collection
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				|  Posted: 2007-06-29 07:48:03    Post subject: I met you in the sky |   |  
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				| I met you in the sky 
 
 .
 
 Said, you were bored with life
 Wanted to dump out its sediment
 The silhouette of this past tense
 Says, I wanted to travel, if only
 Got a ticket to could-have-beens
 I would have bagged nothing
 
 ..
 
 
 She picked a morning to draw the sky
 Limited it to black and white
 Clouds were white, the sun was …
 The air had a plan
 
 A pencil—not sure 2B lead or not 2B— dropped from the sky
 Varying shades it brought along
 ”Every brush I lay on you” bid she
 ”You in the shade return to the tail of my core
 Imprint my canvas with thumbs of souls”
 
 Unfinished is a sketch of
 the moss of remorse
 
 She pondered.
 
 
 …
 
 
 Looking into the far far-away
 A space limitless
 A place with no ghosts
 But, I dreamt
 
 In a shuttle of no ghosts
 Words, floating in space
 In weightless-ness
 In feelings
 
 Civilizations
 Revolutions
 Mi Ultimo Adios
 Left on earth with ghosts
 
 Looking into the emptiness
 Hellos in such a Hell-So distance
 Yet, I think for where I go
 A place with no ghosts
 
 
 ....
 
 
 She
 was
 transcended
 
 There I was, observing finds
 Catching her, the angle's first deer smile
 The coffee spill and her scent, smelt
 The sketch neither black, nor white
 Reflected in the window my beard and
 “ if you mind switching to the other side?”
 
 
 .....
 
 
 I read your face, prying into the colors hidden behind.
 Did I mention your pupils the goddess gate I find
 The halos to the canvas of heart inside
 
 Little did I realize
 I’d just met you in the sky
 _________________
 (在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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		| Lake 举人
 
  
 Joined: 09 Jan 2007
 Posts: 1286
 
 LakeCollection
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				|  Posted: 2007-06-29 10:46:59    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 又读博弈新鲜出笼大作。 
 1 题目“I met you in the sky ” 已然吸眼球。
 一些诗动不动就是“无题”,殊不知诗歌这么短小的文学体裁,题目不加以利用,纯属浪费。 个见。
 “I met you in the sky ”, 令人遐思,遇上空姐了?空中仙遇?。。。
 
 2 stanza 之间用了 dot ,给人以想象的空间,因为初看还以为是 省略号,细看才知道是用来分段的。
 
 3  you, I, she 我读起来有些混乱,不过近来读诗也学乖了 ,我可以是我,也可以是你,也可以是他,随读者去想吧。不过读书那阵,让老师修理过,还专门送我一本关于正确使用 persona的语法书。我想现在应该是过时了。
 
 4 “You in the shade return to the tail of my core "
 I am not familiar with "the tail of my core".
 
 5 "Catching her, the angle's first deer smile "
 I wonder what "a deer smile" would be.
 
 
 A romantic write.
 _________________
 the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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		| kokho 进士出身
 
  
 Joined: 30 Nov 2006
 Posts: 2642
 Location: Singapore
 kokhoCollection
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				|  Posted: 2007-06-29 10:51:07    Post subject: |   |  
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				| This is one of your more conventional work. 
 But I like it very much!!!
 
 It is very English in it expression.
 
 
       
 .
 I agreed with Lake, Mark is in Romantic mood
  ) _________________
 乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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		| 博弈 榜眼
 
 
 Joined: 21 Dec 2006
 Posts: 4381
 Location: SFO
 博弈Collection
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				|  Posted: 2007-07-01 08:49:34    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 
 
	  | Lake wrote: |  
	  | 又读博弈新鲜出笼大作。 
 1 题目“I met you in the sky ” 已然吸眼球。
 一些诗动不动就是“无题”,殊不知诗歌这么短小的文学体裁,题目不加以利用,纯属浪费。 个见。
 “I met you in the sky ”, 令人遐思,遇上空姐了?空中仙遇?。。。
 
 2 stanza 之间用了 dot ,给人以想象的空间,因为初看还以为是 省略号,细看才知道是用来分段的。
 
 3  you, I, she 我读起来有些混乱,不过近来读诗也学乖了 ,我可以是我,也可以是你,也可以是他,随读者去想吧。不过读书那阵,让老师修理过,还专门送我一本关于正确使用 persona的语法书。我想现在应该是过时了。
 
 4 “You in the shade return to the tail of my core "
 I am not familiar with "the tail of my core".
 
 5 "Catching her, the angle's first deer smile "
 I wonder what "a deer smile" would be.
 
 
 A romantic write.
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 这首是有点在玩时态与人称,湖 慧眼。
 tail of my core... can't explain easily, depending what core is here...all the definitions in dictionary could apply while borrowing the pencil analogy.
 _________________
 (在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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