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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《该不该死》外一个！指教

子花
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Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-05-25 19:35:52 Post subject: 《该不该死》外一个！指教

《该不该死》清晨一只小鸟踮起脚尖，下巴搁在岩石上系着车厢的目光在隧道口扯下一滩血一座城市正值深夜满街的垃圾搅拌寂寥的灯光张扬着撕裂风---- 一点点吹向远方的欲望身体可以忽略了那滴血的目光却一直凝视着《一些事物是在饥饿背后升起的》风涂抹的夜色清凉喝着远处的灯火头脑一片空白就这样插入大地没有根的站立是多么无聊就像一个被掏空的瓶子竖着躺下没两样这早在千年前就说破我们总撇不下吃饱后的满足

hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-05-25 19:44:15 Post subject:

诗歌贵在自然 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

金金
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection

Posted: 2007-05-26 00:22:36 Post subject:

功底不行，造作也造作不起来。——那样只叫瞎写。问好花 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

子花
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Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-05-26 17:36:01 Post subject:

感谢两位诗人批评！！想尝试下另一种写作方式！！现在所呈现的还不能支持起我要表达的东西，很懊恼，望有位诗人指教！！期待一位好老师成为我一生的向导和朋友．

hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-05-26 17:58:24 Post subject:

我们都在交流中前进勇于否认自我，是一种很好的方式 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-05-26 21:34:05 Post subject:

没有根的站立是多么无聊就像一个被掏空的瓶子竖着躺下没两样好诗啊！金金小弟过于武断。再读一遍—— _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

子花
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Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-05-27 03:37:30 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

我们都在交流中前进
勇于否认自我，是一种很好的方式

否定自己才能有新的发现．

子花
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Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-05-27 03:39:08 Post subject:

韩少君 wrote:

没有根的站立是多么无聊
就像一个被掏空的瓶子
竖着躺下没两样

好诗啊！金金小弟过于武断。再读一遍——

感谢少君诗人细心阅读！！问好，感激！

陈若祥
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 470
Location: 中国*安徽
陈若祥Collection

Posted: 2007-05-27 04:24:36 Post subject:

《一些事物是在饥饿背后升起的》，欣赏！有韵味的好诗！有章有句！题目很不错，令人想起很多！

子花
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Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-05-29 02:18:57 Post subject:

陈若祥 wrote:

《一些事物是在饥饿背后升起的》，欣赏！
有韵味的好诗！
有章有句！
题目很不错，令人想起很多！

感谢陈若祥诗人！！多批评！还不成熟望指教！

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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