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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

一日至夜

ZY
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 163
Location: 台北
ZYCollection

Posted: 2007-05-10 04:34:50 Post subject: 一日至夜

(申) 我继续在化妆室的镜子前料理领口有人说起某亡友的偏颇其他人假装今天是个不谈生死的假日 (酉) 我想这落日里落低了的水位在天明之前还要走过许多我记不起与不认识的面容 (戌) 隔著鱼箱仍然可以望见天色从地铁流放出来的身体在街角等灯你在一尾鱼仅存白骨时开始想吐 (亥) 他们把西瓜切割成一朵齿列环绕的人造花凤梨是船奇异果是小丑眼睛，冰雕出溶著的半透明人脸布丁跟巧克力慕思之后，孀妇在门口不断鞠躬 (子) 树枝上挂著的年月没回头你带来的几尺暗荫还缠在脚下月光在路那边，菊花在这边 (丑) 记得买过一次花束，没带给你也就没说我想这月落里落低的潮水中永恒摇摆著许多缠结不清的水草 3/27/2007 _________________ 陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

杨光
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Joined: 01 Jun 2006
Posts: 683

杨光Collection

Posted: 2007-05-10 05:13:22 Post subject:

,虽有点沉重,但悟性和诗意的时光,让人回味. _________________ 杨光的语言空间 http://blog.sina.com.cn/languagespace

ZY
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 163
Location: 台北
ZYCollection

Posted: 2007-05-10 07:20:32 Post subject:

多謝讀詩. 問好了. ZY _________________ 陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

三色堇
秀才

Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: 西安
三色堇Collection

Posted: 2007-05-10 07:38:41 Post subject:

前几段很棒

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-05-10 13:18:29 Post subject:

我继续在化妆室的镜子前料理领口有人说起某亡友的偏颇其他人假装今天是个不谈生死的假日真棒！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

ZY
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 163
Location: 台北
ZYCollection

Posted: 2007-05-10 13:27:33 Post subject:

多谢两位读诗. 问好了. _________________ 陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-05-10 15:27:43 Post subject:

隔著鱼箱仍然可以望见天色从地铁流放出来的身体在街角等灯你在一尾鱼仅存白骨时开始想吐 (亥) 他们把西瓜切割成一朵齿列环绕的人造花凤梨是船奇异果是小丑眼睛，冰雕出溶著的半透明人脸布丁跟巧克力慕思之后，孀妇在门口不断鞠躬需要这样冷焰的诗，虽沉重但超脱和关注 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

ZY
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 163
Location: 台北
ZYCollection

Posted: 2007-05-10 16:55:14 Post subject:

杨海军 wrote:

需要这样冷焰的诗，虽沉重但超脱和关注

多谢鼓励.
问好了.
_________________
陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-05-10 17:38:26 Post subject:

这首可以精华了，成就不小。诗题似乎还可再思之。个人意见。 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

ZY
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 163
Location: 台北
ZYCollection

Posted: 2007-05-11 04:33:54 Post subject:

多謝博弈了. _________________ 陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-05-11 05:40:13 Post subject:

此诗我喜爱的是能笔触缥缈虚无的现代质感与老旧的申酉时刻象征整体还是一个耐人寻味的故事这样的文字，古人所无，兼具杨牧与夏宇的诗风，赞叹并学习了。 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection

Posted: 2007-05-11 08:48:51 Post subject:

比較喜歡子、丑。 _________________ I labour by singing light 我的blog 我的專欄

ZY
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 163
Location: 台北
ZYCollection

Posted: 2007-05-11 16:39:01 Post subject:

戴玨, 多謝讀詩. 問好了. ZY _________________ 陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

ZY
秀才

Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 163
Location: 台北
ZYCollection

Posted: 2007-05-11 16:44:01 Post subject:

博弈, 多谢谬奖.这两位诗坛前辈都是我很仰慕的. 杨牧,更是我的学长,不过年纪差了十来岁,至今缘悭一面.是我的一生憾事. 问好了. ZY _________________ 陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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