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新作一首《思念》
了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-19 19:13:42    Post subject: 新作一首《思念》 Reply with quote

《思念》

我知道,这鸭蛋,不是你下的。
那些白白的鸭蛋,这样放
你怕它们会放坏
你要把它们用盐腌起来。

你把这些鸭蛋裹上潮湿的黄土
撒上盐。你把它们小心的放到坛子里
那粗瓷的坛,外表粗糙,内心细腻。就像你。
然后,你把坛口封好。最后,你也守口如坛
把自己放在清凉通风处多年。

这么多年,你一直保持这个习惯
自己腌的鸭蛋自己吃。你从不用它
去换缝补情感的针线。

2007/4/18
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金金
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
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PostPosted: 2007-04-19 19:20:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

叙述中说感想,套路有点儿老,感情挺厚道!
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了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-19 19:22:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

再见掌门.多批多指点.
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不能随随便便不回家
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韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
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PostPosted: 2007-04-20 01:40:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

其实,诗歌中的叙述是最难的.
难在视角,平中出奇.
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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