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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

(原创）七律-初夏咏荷

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-08-27 07:19:35 Post subject: (原创）七律-初夏咏荷

文/笑聊星河点点银光闪，蛙鼓频频夜幕中。尖角初浮探世界，翠裙才展舞虚空。合群方晓非池物，孤野谁知是鹤鸿? 赋得诗文如满月，闲云一片布柔风。采纳黄老师提议，尾联转句做改动。星河点点银光闪，蛙鼓频频夜幕中。尖角初浮探世界，翠裙才展舞虚空。合群方晓非池物，孤野谁知是鹤鸿? 淡淡清香惹人醉，闲云一片布柔风。

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2012-08-27 14:14:33 Post subject:

柔情万点,胸怀宇宙 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2012-08-28 05:29:16 Post subject:

心怀鸿鹄之志

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2012-08-28 10:06:07 Post subject:

夏夜畅想，思绪万千

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2012-08-28 10:30:33 Post subject:

星河，蛙鼓，尖角，翠裙------一派夏夜荷塘景色扑面而来，有声有色，若能闻到荷香，则更令人惬意。 _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

SLIU
秀才

Joined: 01 Jan 2010
Posts: 384

SLIUCollection

Posted: 2012-08-28 16:34:53 Post subject:

合群方晓非池物，孤野谁知是鹤鸿好句

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-08-29 20:44:54 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

柔情万点,胸怀宇宙

感谢岛主赏评鼓励！问好岛主！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-08-29 20:45:38 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

心怀鸿鹄之志

问好庆宏兄！谢谢赏评鼓励！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-08-29 20:46:27 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

夏夜畅想，思绪万千

感谢白水赏评鼓励！问好白水！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-08-29 20:48:51 Post subject:

黄洋界 wrote:

星河，蛙鼓，尖角，翠裙------一派夏夜荷塘景色扑面而来，
...

问好黄老师！谢谢赏评鼓励！老师说得对，如果闻到荷香更好了。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-08-29 20:50:17 Post subject:

sliu6 wrote:

合群方晓非池物，孤野谁知是鹤鸿好句

谢谢江南提读赏评！问好！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-08-29 21:05:50 Post subject:

采纳黄老师提议，尾联转句做改动。星河点点银光闪，蛙鼓频频夜幕中。尖角初浮探世界，翠裙才展舞虚空。合群方晓非池物，孤野谁知是鹤鸿? 淡淡清香惹人醉，闲云一片布柔风。

青洋
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Joined: 25 Sep 2012
Posts: 342
Location: 溫哥華
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Posted: 2012-09-25 13:15:18 Post subject:

合群方曉非池物，想法很新！ _________________ 坐在方舟中的無用之人天天射落日的倒影

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-09-26 07:40:44 Post subject:

青洋 wrote:

合群方曉非池物，想法很新！

谢谢青洋朋友提读赏评！问好。

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