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不麻醉
博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-06-16 08:25:05    Post subject: 不麻醉 Reply with quote

不麻醉


妳我
眼睛
凝接在這
傷疤

U and I/Eyes/Melt and freeze /At the scar

皮膚的
小陵

A mound /Above the skin

底下
葬藏著
多年前
的我的她

In it/Buried and treasured/my Her/in the past tense


她仍熟悉
每一通道
每一密室

Yet still Her/Travels every /Passage and cell

妳抬頭
像個醫生
來盜墓

U turn up/A ghoul pretends/To be a surgeon
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection
PostPosted: 2010-06-17 09:52:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not sure if I like the slashes in the English lines - the slashes read like a scansion of meters, or lines quoted in a prose , or an instruction of where or when the reader needs to stop. I know there's a reason of using slashes, but you know what I mean.

Cheers
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection
PostPosted: 2010-06-17 09:55:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't know why there's a slash inserted before an apostrophe on the thread. Do others have the same issue? It's annoying.
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-06-17 10:04:12    Post subject: Reply with quote



"a slash inserted before an apostrophe on the thread"

what do you mean?
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Lake
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LakeCollection
PostPosted: 2010-06-17 10:18:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

On my computer

"I'm not sure"

reads like

I/'m not sure

Is it just me? All it's, they're, I'm look like it/'s, they/'re, I/'m on the thread.
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-06-17 10:23:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lake wrote:
I'm not sure if I like the slashes in the English lines - the slashes read like a scansion of meters, or lines quoted in a prose , or an instruction of where or when the reader needs to stop. I know there's a reason of using slashes, but you know what I mean.
...


大概是"凝接"吧。
也作分行詩的分段功能,排列起來省點空間,一塊一塊的(X-Y軸)。 Laughing
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博弈
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Joined: 21 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: 2010-06-18 00:03:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lake wrote:
On my computer
...


it is you, just or not just, I do not know.

(這是中式英文) Laughing
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Lake
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LakeCollection
PostPosted: 2010-06-18 10:07:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

博弈 wrote:
Lake wrote:
On my computer
...


it is you, just or not just, I do not know.

(這是中式英文) Laughing
...


me learning chinese style english
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