非马
秀才
Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection |
 Posted: 2010-05-04 18:33:31 Post subject: 诗画芝加哥 |
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芝加哥
在原始森林
就在毕卡索的
怪兽下
假寐
混沌里
一声拖得长长的
TIM---BER---
把我惊醒
抬头
却见参天的
大厦
在漏下的夕阳里
似乎又倾斜了几度
CHICAGO
dozing off
in the virgin forest
beneath the feet
of Picasso’s strange animal
when suddenly a long yell
TIM --- BER ---
awakens me
I raise my head
and in the sunlight that leaks through
I see the skyscrapers
all slanting towards me
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Lake
举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2010-05-11 07:37:32 Post subject: |
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This is surreal! Nice reflection between poetry and painting and reality.
在原始森林
就在毕卡索的
头两行出现了两个“在” ，是否可以去掉第二个？
问好非马先生。
Lake
PS: 刚发现，成秀才了。 
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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非马
秀才
Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection |
| Posted: 2010-05-11 08:18:25 Post subject: |
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谢谢LAKE. 不知为什么, 我故意用了两个"在"字,好象是这样念起来更舒服,而且又加重了语气,当然这可能只是我自己的感觉. 毕竟读者的感觉更重要.
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Lake
举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2010-05-11 08:46:04 Post subject: |
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我也想到是有意重复“在”，读第一遍时，在那停顿了一下；听解释后，好像也行。就看读者怎么读了。
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
| Posted: 2010-05-16 05:10:07 Post subject: |
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学习，还是先生的风格，英汉有出入。
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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