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Monostich
Lake
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PostPosted: 2009-08-28 05:43:24    Post subject: Monostich Reply with quote

spring rain trees grass all one green

summer sun if you’d save some rays for winter

divorced photos all turned face down

even the filthy pond sees white cranes
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-17 18:20:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

read and try to understand it.
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: 2010-03-18 08:56:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢William的兴趣。其实,这就是one-line haiku. 附上一个网友的评论,他分析的可能更清楚一些。

summer sun if you’d save some rays for winter
- I can easily break it into:

summer sun
if you’d save
some rays for winter

I feel in your one line haiku there's more drama, it starts as if one is addressing the "summer sun". To me, note it might be me only, this is a successful one line haiku.

divorced photos all turned face down
can be either:

divorced
photos all turned
face down

OR,

divorced photos
all turned
face down

But in the linear representation, you may read it as "divorced photos all", "turned face down". Again, a lot more thrill. Another winner.

spring rain trees grass all one green
To me, this is the best of the lot.

spring rain
trees grass
all one green

But when in one line: spring, rain ,trees, grass, ALL one green
-Beautiful!

even a filthy pond sees white cranes

even a filthy pond
sees
white cranes

OR,

even
a filthy pond sees
white cranes

When in a line: even a filthy pond / sees white cranes
I feel this has more Senryu-influence. I'm not exactly sure.

总之,一行俳句一气呵成,但是提供多种解读。如上网友Arunansu 所析。
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-18 19:02:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh, now I can understand them! thanks!
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