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běiměifēng shǒuyè -> 西方文学 Western Literature fābiǎoxīntiè   huífùtièzǐ
Monostich
Lake
举人


zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286

Lakeběiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2009-08-28 05:43:24    fābiǎozhùtí: Monostich yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

spring rain trees grass all one green

summer sun if you’d save some rays for winter

divorced photos all turned face down

even the filthy pond sees white cranes
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán 博客
William Zhou周道模
探花


zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2010-03-17 18:20:18    fābiǎozhùtí: yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

read and try to understand it.
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán 博客 liúlǎnfābiǎozhědezhùyè
Lake
举人


zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286

Lakeběiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2010-03-18 08:56:39    fābiǎozhùtí: yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

谢谢William的兴趣。其实,这就是one-line haiku. 附上一个网友的评论,他分析的可能更清楚一些。

summer sun if you’d save some rays for winter
- I can easily break it into:

summer sun
if you’d save
some rays for winter

I feel in your one line haiku there's more drama, it starts as if one is addressing the "summer sun". To me, note it might be me only, this is a successful one line haiku.

divorced photos all turned face down
can be either:

divorced
photos all turned
face down

OR,

divorced photos
all turned
face down

But in the linear representation, you may read it as "divorced photos all", "turned face down". Again, a lot more thrill. Another winner.

spring rain trees grass all one green
To me, this is the best of the lot.

spring rain
trees grass
all one green

But when in one line: spring, rain ,trees, grass, ALL one green
-Beautiful!

even a filthy pond sees white cranes

even a filthy pond
sees
white cranes

OR,

even
a filthy pond sees
white cranes

When in a line: even a filthy pond / sees white cranes
I feel this has more Senryu-influence. I'm not exactly sure.

总之,一行俳句一气呵成,但是提供多种解读。如上网友Arunansu 所析。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán 博客
William Zhou周道模
探花


zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2010-03-18 19:02:38    fābiǎozhùtí: yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

oh, now I can understand them! thanks!
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán 博客 liúlǎnfābiǎozhědezhùyè
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