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Maple Review Home -> 西方文学　Western Literature

One world One dream

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-05 15:52:18 Post subject: One world One dream

去年在北京写的歌词，先英语后汉语。请诸君：1、提修改意见 2、推荐给作曲家谱曲先谢了！One World One Dream by William Zhou One world , oh,one dream We live on the same earth One world , oh ,one dream We share the same sun All faster , run to future All higher , jump to over All stronger , show the nature We all enjoy the lives’ pleasure Gather Beijing , play for friendship Singing in the friendly breeze Gather Beijing , pray for peace Flying in the peaceful dream One world , oh ,one dream We live in the earth village One world , oh ,one dream We dream of the peaceful heaven 2006.7.23—8.5 in Beijing 同一个世界同一个梦想周道模同一个世界啊同一个梦想我们生活在同一个地球上同一个世界啊同一个梦想我们共享着同一个太阳同样更快跑进未来的理想同样更高跨越困难的阻挡同样更强展示自然的力量我们一起欢度生命的时光欢聚北京啊为友谊而赛我们在友谊的风中歌唱欢聚北京啊为和平祈祷我们在和平的梦中飞翔同一个世界啊同一个梦想我们生活在同一个地球村庄同一个世界啊同一个梦想我们梦想同一个和平的天堂 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-07-05 21:25:59 Post subject:

写歌就要请出 Kokho 了。 Kokho 也写双语歌，既作词又作曲。 “ We live in the same sun”--under? _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-05 22:08:04 Post subject:

Thank LAKE for suggestion! But '' in the sun" is a phrase, am I right? _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-07-05 22:29:00 Post subject:

a comment on "We live in the same sun" maybe you can say something like: We live under the same sky or We share the same sun ... _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-06 07:50:17 Post subject:

In China the peaple who is learning English like to say"in the sun" instead of ''under the sun". But both of you pointed out the mistake, I think maybe outside China peaple don't say that. So I rewrite it : under the same sky thanks to both of you! _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-06 07:55:01 Post subject:

但问题出现了:翻译出的汉语没法压韵了,还得再想…… _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection

Posted: 2007-07-06 08:22:06 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

In China the peaple who is learning English like to say"in the son" instead
of ''under the son". But both of you pointed out the mistake, I think maybe
outside China peaple don't say that. So I rewrite it : under the same sky
thanks to both of you!

in the sun指在陽光下或陽光充足的地方。under the sun指全世界，天底下。
_________________
I labour by singing light
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William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-06 14:36:02 Post subject:

谢谢戴先生！看来还是选用和平岛的“share the sun "要好些。谢谢你们的点金之语。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2008-08-07 14:45:10 Post subject:

今日奥运会开幕，提上以表共贺！ _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

非马
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
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非马Collection

Posted: 2008-08-24 05:16:23 Post subject:

"Same faster, Same higher, Same stronger", 与 "同样更快,同样更高,同样更强" 一样,读起来都有点别扭。或者可考虑改为"All faster, All higher, All stronger", 与 "都更快,都更高,都更强"，虽然意思可能不尽相同。 _________________ 欢迎访问<非马艺术世界> http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2008-08-25 04:28:05 Post subject:

非马老师说得对，作为歌词，音韵和谐是重要的，后两节的尾韵也不理想。有空时再来琢磨。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

张南城
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Joined: 02 Aug 2009
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张南城Collection

Posted: 2009-08-10 23:08:05 Post subject:

看诗歌，学英语。谢谢诸位了。

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2009-08-11 03:55:54 Post subject:

张南城 wrote:

看诗歌，学英语。谢谢诸位了。

谢谢张君的提读！恰好的北京奥运一周年。

根据非马老师的意见改了。拙诗发表在澳大利亚的《澳洲彩虹鹦》中文文学季刊上了。
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

张南城
秀才

Joined: 02 Aug 2009
Posts: 145
Location: 中国安庆
张南城Collection

Posted: 2009-08-11 22:16:51 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

[quote="张南城"]看诗歌，学英语。谢谢诸位了。

谢谢张君的提读！恰好的北京奥运一周年。

根据非马老师的意见改了。拙诗发表在澳大利亚的《澳洲彩虹鹦》中文文学季刊上了。[/QUOTE]祝贺周老师的诗文发表！ Very Happy

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