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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《风，越来越大》[外一首]

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燕庄生铁
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Joined: 06 May 2007
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Posted: 2008-03-02 21:07:56 Post subject: 《风，越来越大》[外一首]

《风，越来越大》在这个位置上，距离越来越远，风，越来越大。声音被刮进流速，稀释得薄而透明。快，快快闭住！汉字的偏旁已撒了一地.嘴唇悄然脱落裸露的牙齿被一粒粒敲下碾碎。来不及了。我们怀抱虚空在翅膀的拍打下展开空荡荡的胸膛航线被自己的迷乱绕住。与风拔河，舌头蹦断；喉咙灌哑。头颅像夜风中的烛火呼哒一下，熄灭。《停车，让我下来》停车，让我下来。你没看到水鸟正掠过池塘幽静的水面？他们的巢在旧痕里塌陷我得拾起秋雨中发抖的孩子。停下！环肥燕瘦，扭动的腰枝在牡丹与梅花间微笑。歌舞升平，繁华在手掌中发烧。让我下车！趁黎明的马车滚过中午的秋阳我还要与一小片天空交谈；还要在池塘的水面上练习静止的滑行。停车!

克文
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Posted: 2008-03-03 00:30:30 Post subject:

拜读问好！ _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1265272375

杯中冲浪
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Posted: 2008-03-03 05:41:08 Post subject:

车，让我下来。你没看到水鸟正掠过池塘幽静的水面？他们的巢在旧痕里塌陷我得拾起秋雨中发抖的孩子。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

回到拉萨
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Joined: 07 Feb 2008
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回到拉萨Collection

Posted: 2008-03-03 18:34:52 Post subject:

停车，让我下来。你没看到水鸟正掠过池塘幽静的水面？他们的巢在旧痕里塌陷我得拾起秋雨中发抖的孩子。停下！环肥燕瘦，扭动的腰枝在牡丹与梅花间微笑。歌舞升平，繁华在手掌中发烧。让我下车！趁黎明的马车滚过中午的秋阳我还要与一小片天空交谈；还要在池塘的水面上练习静止的滑行。停车! 喜欢 _________________ 点击进入回到拉萨的火车

詩盜喜裸評
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Posted: 2008-03-03 18:54:52 Post subject:

很紧急的感觉！ _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

燕庄生铁
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Posted: 2008-03-03 19:49:40 Post subject: Re: 拜读问好！

克文 wrote:

拜读问好！

问好克文。在这里遇到欣喜。握。

燕庄生铁
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Posted: 2008-03-03 19:55:31 Post subject: Re: 车，让我下来。你没看到水鸟 ...

杯中冲浪 wrote:

车，让我下来。你没看到水鸟
...

问好杯中冲浪。谢您来读。多批。

曾读您的《挖煤人》，以为杰作。

燕庄生铁
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Posted: 2008-03-03 19:56:52 Post subject: Re: 停车，让我下来。你没看到水鸟 ...

回到拉萨 wrote:

停车，让我下来。你没看到水鸟
...

拉萨兄弟，多砍。

燕庄生铁
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Posted: 2008-03-03 19:58:08 Post subject: Re: 很紧急的感觉！

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

很紧急的感觉！

问好诗友。也是有意营造的氛围。多批。

笑后
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Posted: 2008-03-03 21:35:20 Post subject:

对，紧迫感，让读者迫不及待想念下去。学习了。 _________________ 廖蕙琳以写悼亡诗而自成一家，一意孤行！

莞君
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Posted: 2008-03-03 21:54:35 Post subject:

再赏好诗问好 _________________ 莞君

白水
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Posted: 2009-06-14 01:36:59 Post subject:

诗歌的镜头推向发烧，喧闹的境地而嘎然而止： “趁黎明的马车滚过中午的秋阳我还要与一小片天空交谈；还要在池塘的水面上练习静止的滑行。停车!” 把人引入平静的人性的反思，给人启迪，耐人寻味。就让我把这首诗歌，作为恢复加精的第一首诗歌吧。希望朋友们写出更多更好的诗歌。

燕庄生铁
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Posted: 2009-06-14 04:47:47 Post subject:

问好笑后，莞君。问好白水。老贴了，又被你顶起来。谢谢评阅。

hepingdao
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Posted: 2009-06-14 13:38:37 Post subject:

动静相宜，营造了不错的意境 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

湮雨朦朦
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Posted: 2009-06-14 15:00:24 Post subject:

趁黎明的马车滚过中午的秋阳我还要与一小片天空交谈；还要在池塘的水面上练习静止的滑行。停车! 喜欢老师的风格.

榛莽
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Posted: 2009-06-14 15:57:54 Post subject:

有声有色，一个诗人内心的焦灼很好的呈现了出来！语言很有力度，干净简洁！学习！ _________________ 榛莽博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/qinzhenlin712 邮箱：qinzhenlin712@126.com

李有明
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Posted: 2009-06-14 21:14:38 Post subject:

写的很嚣张，所以很美丽！

sfiawong
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Posted: 2009-06-15 14:30:21 Post subject:

燕庄生铁 wrote:

《风，越来越大》

在这个位置上，距离越来
越远，风，越来
越大。声音被刮进流速，稀释得
薄而透明。

快，快快闭住！汉字的偏旁
已撒了一地.嘴唇
悄然脱落裸露的牙齿被一粒粒
敲下碾碎。

来不及了。我们怀抱虚空
在翅膀的拍打下展开空荡荡的胸膛
航线被自己的迷乱绕住。

与风拔河，舌头蹦断；喉咙灌哑。
头颅像夜风中的烛火
呼哒一下，熄灭。

《停车，让我下来》

停车，让我下来。你没看到水鸟
...

拜读,問好,不錯.
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东江湖主
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Joined: 10 Aug 2008
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Posted: 2009-06-15 15:21:52 Post subject:

七行之后第一次再见生铁，问好！

木易沉香
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Posted: 2009-06-16 16:01:00 Post subject:

节奏很快欣赏：）

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