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仰望
非马
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-08 10:20:11    Post subject: 仰望 Reply with quote

仰望

仰望
仰望仰望
仰望仰望仰望

梦想中
终于把自己
也仰望成一座
仰望的铜像高高在上

神气地
挺著硬脖子
等待暖呼呼
一阵鸟粪的洗礼
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2009-02-08 13:50:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

人本性里需要崇拜。可惜总是找不到正确的对象。
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-08 17:07:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错的诗!!问候老先生!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-08 17:58:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

呵呵~蛮搞笑的~

喜欢~讽刺又油摸~又有节奏
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-08 20:54:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好先生。注重了哲理,但美感丧失,尤其最后一句。
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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非马
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-09 04:06:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

问nobody, 杨海军, 安红红, 杯中冲浪元宵好!
谢谢杯中冲浪的坦率批评,可见这首诗还是达到了它的目的。我就是要让所有的铜像尽失美感呀!
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文立冰
童生


Joined: 27 Dec 2008
Posts: 71

文立冰Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-09 04:33:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

写实的一首!
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-09 11:22:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

無意中文字排列也有登梯的形象,
想起那些現代帝王自立銅像,再高
也沒有鳥高. Smile
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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爱月
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Joined: 12 Jun 2008
Posts: 250

爱月Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-09 17:31:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

有趣的一个,嘿嘿。感觉是童心呐~
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诗歌、诗剧。以文会友。http://blog.sina.com.cn/juneraiyue112
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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
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PostPosted: 2009-02-10 00:32:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

非马 wrote:
问nobody, 杨海军, 安红红, 杯中冲浪元宵好!
...

诗虽少了非马老师标志性的隽永,回贴则见豁达智慧。可谓诗结在尾外。 Laughing
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-10 06:43:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

多些这样轻松的~博一乐也~
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惠远飞
童生


Joined: 14 Jan 2009
Posts: 74
Location: 广东东莞
惠远飞Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-10 15:38:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

杯中冲浪 wrote:
问好先生。注重了哲理,但美感丧失,尤其最后一句。


颠覆和解构崇高!是该诗的着眼点。

国内诗人伊沙的《车过黄河》就是典型的例子。诗人魂牵梦绕的黄河就在眼前时,诗人却被一泡尿憋了,冲向了厕所……错失了良机!

敝人看来,这不是哲理诗,这是一首典型的讽刺诗。

审丑就是审美!

向非马先生学习!

还在我读初中一年级的时候,就开始阅读福建出版的《台港文学选刊》拜读过诗人的不少作品,十分崇拜!现在能在论坛交流,更是无比荣幸!
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惠远飞,湖北十堰人。作品见《青春》《芳草》《热风》《短篇小说》《青春诗歌》《作家报》等数十种报刊。著有诗集《流浪的衣裳》。博客:huiyfei.blog.163.com
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吟啸徐行
举人


Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 1336
Location: 中国安徽
吟啸徐行Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-10 20:47:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

言浅意深,有待慢慢解读.
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彰显自我爱好,弘扬民族文化,追求诗意生活.
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-11 09:20:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

语言明白如话,但耐看耐嚼。
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孙国福
童生


Joined: 08 Feb 2009
Posts: 63
Location: 吉林长春
孙国福Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-12 01:01:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

看似平淡,却暗藏韵味!宝刀不老啊!!!
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魏鵬展
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Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Posts: 606
Location: Hong Kong 香港
魏鵬展Collection
PostPosted: 2009-04-16 03:41:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

非馬先生不追求文字和技巧上的花巧,卻能從明快的風格中見出神韻和意境,我愛這種風格。
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香港文學報《小說與詩》投稿方法+稿約、稿例、最新一期目錄:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_60b7bcff01018dcp.html

魏鵬展是香港詩人、《小說與詩》主編、中文教師;微信(WeChat): npcjeffrey
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非马
秀才


Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection
PostPosted: 2009-04-16 03:58:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

问诸位朋友们好! 谢谢大家的阅评. 更谢谢惠远飞先生的慧眼,看出这是一首讽刺诗,不是哲理诗.
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2009-04-16 05:48:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

仰望的铜像高高在上
....诗在文字之外.
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云冰之南
童生


Joined: 12 Apr 2009
Posts: 57

云冰之南Collection
PostPosted: 2009-04-17 15:54:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

文笔犀利而幽默!问好诗人!
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