Haiku 6 Fragment/Phrase

注册时间: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286

发表于: 2009-05-23 17:09:54    发表主题:

Ah yes, these work well, with the fragment and phrase. The images are vivid, and the language is plain. I'm not sure there are strong juxtapositions, but you have done enough to pass.

Please make some minor changes to your two haiku. For instance it is not necessary to have 'of water' in your final line, as we know where ripples are:

still pond -
a loon paddles away in
the ripples


In the second one you don't need the overt adjective spring, because we know that dandelions bloom in spring. You've already shown us it's spring in this evocative way:


an old house -
dandelions bloom in
the rain

cheers!
myron.
Graded: 7/10, Solid understanding of concept - you got 15 points!