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火车从头顶跑过
沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-30 18:27:54    Post subject: 火车从头顶跑过 Reply with quote
火车从头顶跑过

枝头的风，把花儿吹开又吹落
来不及说出爱情，芬芳的花蕊和你明眸里
闪烁的秘密，离我还有一寸距离
一寸之间，心未泅渡，风已金黄
瑟瑟的落叶，覆盖露珠和寂静的桥面

日子的火车从头顶跑过，它的长鸣
是一道弧线，牵动童年灿烂的草垛和炊烟
白云飘过了山岗，飞禽走兽四散
想像的绿鞭折断已久
放弃了放牧和一些自娱的时光

你说蓝色草原上，生长毡房和蘑菇
我的回望，没入沉寂的尘烟
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-30 20:22:54    Post subject: Reply with quote
冷抒情的诗, 深藏着感动.
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-30 20:37:32    Post subject: Reply with quote
挺好的诗。命题也不错。
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（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-31 17:06:52    Post subject: Reply with quote
火车从头顶跑过，它灿烂的长鸣
是一道弧线，牵动童年的草垛和炊烟

火车的意象很好
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
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郭兴军
童生


Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 96
Location: 中国陕西
郭兴军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-01 06:13:33    Post subject: Reply with quote
“诗歌的探索永无止境。”

不错。 Very Happy
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郭兴军
童生


Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 96
Location: 中国陕西
郭兴军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-01 06:13:33    Post subject: Reply with quote
“诗歌的探索永无止境。”

不错。 Very Happy
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-01 13:47:40    Post subject: Reply with quote
好!意象-----

火车从头顶跑过
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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