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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

晨曦＊白桦

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-05-12 06:30:52 Post subject: 晨曦＊白桦

晨曦＊白桦从何时起? 开始吝惜每一点墨如同吝惜你无法倾诉的独白，沉寂以冰川的冷凝固在白桦树的眼角直到那日你呼啸而来一匹桀傲不逊的野马在我的心扉踏满沉沉的脚印那是飞蛾疲倦的翅膀在极地匍匐的伤痕如果一瓣雪花的消逝能把深藏的阴霾化为释怀的泪水那么，就让我把这点轻灵挂成天边一颗启明的星黎明，黎明是黑暗的葬歌当东方的鱼肚闪过第一道血光我知道，过去的已成为过去．你缓缓的站起来从海的深处捡起那枝几经折断的魔笔把一抹金黄写在桦林深处

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-05-12 13:22:02 Post subject:

白桦树这个意像的运用很好情感饱满 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-05-12 17:05:41 Post subject:

硬冷的情绪。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-05-12 18:28:47 Post subject:

问候白水有利写诗情绪涌动。语言稍硬。能否软点，柔情！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-05-13 02:19:08 Post subject:

韩少君 wrote:

问候白水

有利写诗情绪涌动。语言稍硬。能否软点，柔情！

各有各的味道，喜欢着~ Very Happy

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-05-13 20:25:07 Post subject:

谢谢各位朋友的阅评. 太阳出来了, 冰该为水才是

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-05-13 21:55:59 Post subject:

一瓣雪花的消逝能把深藏的阴霾化为释怀的泪水那么，就让我把这点轻灵挂成天边一颗启明的星让人心生感激啊。好诗。问候白水诗人！！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

品玉
秀才

Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 156
Location: 吉林
品玉Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 00:54:54 Post subject:

欣赏!! 你缓缓的站起来从海的深处捡起那枝几经折断的魔笔把一抹金黄写在桦林深处　 _________________ 孤独的执烛者，在黑暗的水面上留下火苗的伤口～～～～～

无仑
童生

Joined: 30 Jan 2007
Posts: 69
Location: 中国.北京
无仑Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 08:57:32 Post subject:

有时需要留下一点墨，需要一句简单的问候（意象衔接中情感不够饱满，没有驾驭意象的情感，大家说硬，也就不为怪了）． _________________ 与文字同生,在诗歌中流浪...... http://blog.sina.com.cn/wulun

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 17:22:09 Post subject:

杨海军, 品玉, 谢谢鼓励.问好朋友.

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 17:30:23 Post subject:

无仑 wrote:

有时需要留下一点墨，需要一句简单的问候（意象衔接中情感不够饱满，没有驾驭意象的情感，大家说硬，也就不为怪了）．

哈, 无仑, 你也许不知道我在其他网站还有个PENNAME叫BLUN ICE(蓝冰)吧? Wink

开个玩笑, 别介意. ANYWAY, I WILL THINK ABOUT YOUR SUGGESTION CAREFULLY. THANK YOU .

无仑
童生

Joined: 30 Jan 2007
Posts: 69
Location: 中国.北京
无仑Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 18:16:17 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

无仑 wrote:

有时需要留下一点墨，需要一句简单的问候（意象衔接中情感不够饱满，没有驾驭意象的情感，大家说硬，也就不为怪了）．

哈, 无仑, 你也许不知道我在其他网站还有个PENNAME叫BLUN ICE(蓝冰)吧? Wink

开个玩笑, 别介意. ANYWAY, I WILL THINK ABOUT YOUR SUGGESTION CAREFULLY. THANK YOU .

蓝冰这个名字比较喜欢,很诗意呀有"冷美人"的感觉, Very Happy

_________________
与文字同生,在诗歌中流浪......
http://blog.sina.com.cn/wulun

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 18:28:44 Post subject:

“当东方的鱼肚闪过第一道血光 “ 跟那首cut-throat有联想吧？我觉得，文字没得挑了，但。。像是一个金牌跳水选手，选了一个难度系数小的热身了一下，你应该选些难度大的，偷懒了。 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 18:54:31 Post subject:

无仑 wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

无仑 wrote:

有时需要留下一点墨，需要一句简单的问候（意象衔接中情感不够饱满，没有驾驭意象的情感，大家说硬，也就不为怪了）．

哈, 无仑, 你也许不知道我在其他网站还有个PENNAME叫BLUN ICE(蓝冰)吧? Wink

开个玩笑, 别介意. ANYWAY, I WILL THINK ABOUT YOUR SUGGESTION CAREFULLY. THANK YOU .

蓝冰这个名字比较喜欢,很诗意呀有"冷美人"的感觉, Very Happy

你真幽默.冰不过硬点,冷点, 没美 Very Happy

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 19:15:06 Post subject:

博弈 wrote:

“当东方的鱼肚闪过第一道血光 “

跟那首cut-throat有联想吧？

我觉得，文字没得挑了，但。。
像是一个金牌跳水选手，选了一个难度系数小的热身了一下，
你应该选些难度大的，偷懒了。

答博士, 躲不过你的眼睛.是那条鱼给了点灵感. 在这首诗歌里的意向为旭日划破夜幕的瞬间.近日有点累, 是偷懒了, 同时也觉得自己的知识量不足. 没有勇气象诗友们那样着墨高难度题材. 只用羡慕的份儿了 Embarassed

看来得抽空多吃点槡叶. Razz

高源
童生

Joined: 12 Mar 2007
Posts: 17

高源Collection

Posted: 2007-05-15 00:19:51 Post subject:

欣赏优美的意境以及鲜活的句子！

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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