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七律--集石鼓文字戏作
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2013-10-26 18:58:25    Post subject: 七律--集石鼓文字戏作 Reply with quote

潘建清

秀水行舟游四方,鸣禽走兽各为王。
草原鹿硕君心古,嘉鲤渊深我简扬。
灵马犹如出宫囿,彤虹即若写天章。
世清时济唯求乐,大道无忧人自康。
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2013-10-26 19:33:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

“彤虹自若写天章”---好句!

“宫”字及第七句平仄可再推敲。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2013-10-26 19:59:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

清世时出唯求乐,乐道无忧人自康

好心态
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

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PostPosted: 2013-10-27 02:42:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

清世时出唯求乐,乐道无忧人自康,吾亦有同感。
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2013-10-27 13:00:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
“彤虹自若写天章”---好句!

“宫”字及第七句平仄可再推敲。


庆宏兄说得对,有问题。现改为:

秀水行舟游四方,鸣禽走兽各为王。
草原鹿硕君心古,嘉鲤渊深我简扬。
灵马犹如奔虎囿,彤虹既若写天章。
世清时济唯求乐,大道无忧人自康。
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2013-10-27 13:07:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
清世时出唯求乐,乐道无忧人自康

好心态

问好白水!难在218字中回旋余地不大上。谢谢雅赏!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2013-10-27 13:08:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

晓松 wrote:
清世时出唯求乐,乐道无忧人自康,吾亦有同感。


谢谢晓松兄雅赏点评!
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司马从戎
童生


Joined: 10 Jul 2013
Posts: 57

司马从戎Collection
PostPosted: 2013-10-31 09:50:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2013-11-01 16:20:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

司马从戎 wrote:
拜读


谢谢司马兄赏读鼓励!
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一无
秀才


Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
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PostPosted: 2013-11-02 10:12:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读。欣赏。
_________________
名心退尽道心生,如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足,好诗不过近人情。

———清 张问陶



http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2013-11-02 19:06:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

一无 wrote:
拜读。欣赏。


谢谢雅赏!
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