笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2013-10-26 18:58:25 Post subject: 七律--集石鼓文字戏作 |
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潘建清
秀水行舟游四方,鸣禽走兽各为王。
草原鹿硕君心古,嘉鲤渊深我简扬。
灵马犹如出宫囿,彤虹即若写天章。
世清时济唯求乐,大道无忧人自康。 |
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qinghongh 榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
Posted: 2013-10-26 19:33:00 Post subject: |
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“彤虹自若写天章”---好句!
“宫”字及第七句平仄可再推敲。 |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2013-10-26 19:59:53 Post subject: |
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清世时出唯求乐,乐道无忧人自康
好心态 |
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晓松 举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007 Posts: 1192
晓松Collection |
Posted: 2013-10-27 02:42:57 Post subject: |
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清世时出唯求乐,乐道无忧人自康,吾亦有同感。 |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2013-10-27 13:00:03 Post subject: |
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qinghongh wrote: |
“彤虹自若写天章”---好句!
“宫”字及第七句平仄可再推敲。 |
庆宏兄说得对,有问题。现改为:
秀水行舟游四方,鸣禽走兽各为王。
草原鹿硕君心古,嘉鲤渊深我简扬。
灵马犹如奔虎囿,彤虹既若写天章。
世清时济唯求乐,大道无忧人自康。 |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2013-10-27 13:07:19 Post subject: |
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白水 Moonlight wrote: |
清世时出唯求乐,乐道无忧人自康
好心态 |
问好白水!难在218字中回旋余地不大上。谢谢雅赏! |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2013-10-27 13:08:09 Post subject: |
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晓松 wrote: |
清世时出唯求乐,乐道无忧人自康,吾亦有同感。 |
谢谢晓松兄雅赏点评! |
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司马从戎 童生
Joined: 10 Jul 2013 Posts: 57
司马从戎Collection |
Posted: 2013-10-31 09:50:09 Post subject: |
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拜读 |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2013-11-01 16:20:13 Post subject: |
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谢谢司马兄赏读鼓励! |
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一无 秀才

Joined: 20 Mar 2013 Posts: 576 Location: 中国 一无Collection |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2013-11-02 19:06:16 Post subject: |
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谢谢雅赏! |
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