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七律--集石鼓文字戏作

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2013-10-26 18:58:25 Post subject: 七律--集石鼓文字戏作

潘建清秀水行舟游四方，鸣禽走兽各为王。草原鹿硕君心古，嘉鲤渊深我简扬。灵马犹如出宫囿，彤虹即若写天章。世清时济唯求乐，大道无忧人自康。

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2013-10-26 19:33:00 Post subject:

“彤虹自若写天章”---好句！ “宫”字及第七句平仄可再推敲。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-10-26 19:59:53 Post subject:

清世时出唯求乐，乐道无忧人自康好心态

晓松
举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection

Posted: 2013-10-27 02:42:57 Post subject:

清世时出唯求乐，乐道无忧人自康，吾亦有同感。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2013-10-27 13:00:03 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

“彤虹自若写天章”---好句！

“宫”字及第七句平仄可再推敲。

庆宏兄说得对，有问题。现改为：

秀水行舟游四方，鸣禽走兽各为王。
草原鹿硕君心古，嘉鲤渊深我简扬。
灵马犹如奔虎囿，彤虹既若写天章。
世清时济唯求乐，大道无忧人自康。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2013-10-27 13:07:19 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

清世时出唯求乐，乐道无忧人自康

好心态

问好白水！难在218字中回旋余地不大上。谢谢雅赏！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2013-10-27 13:08:09 Post subject:

晓松 wrote:

清世时出唯求乐，乐道无忧人自康，吾亦有同感。

谢谢晓松兄雅赏点评！

司马从戎
童生

Joined: 10 Jul 2013
Posts: 57

司马从戎Collection

Posted: 2013-10-31 09:50:09 Post subject:

拜读

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2013-11-01 16:20:13 Post subject:

司马从戎 wrote:

拜读

谢谢司马兄赏读鼓励！

一无
秀才

Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection

Posted: 2013-11-02 10:12:06 Post subject:

拜读。欣赏。 _________________ 名心退尽道心生，如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足，好诗不过近人情。 ———清张问陶 http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2013-11-02 19:06:16 Post subject:

一无 wrote:

拜读。欣赏。

谢谢雅赏！

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