冷雨 秀才
Joined: 05 Nov 2010 Posts: 439
冷雨Collection |
Posted: 2012-11-11 18:53:07 Post subject: 渔翁 |
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碧云送秋雁,芦花迎暮秋。
渔歌飞芦荡,网撒江中流。
夕阳入仓满,波光漾轻舟。 |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2012-11-13 13:19:38 Post subject: |
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诗情画意 |
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冷雨 秀才
Joined: 05 Nov 2010 Posts: 439
冷雨Collection |
Posted: 2012-11-13 20:03:05 Post subject: |
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问好白水!以后的点评冷雨不需要鼓励,这样才能看清自己! |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2012-11-13 22:45:36 Post subject: |
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雨好,
床前明月光,疑是地上霜。
举头望明月,低头思故乡。
没有结句点睛,前面的诗情画意便盲了  |
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黄洋界 探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 3301 Location: 多伦多,加拿大 黄洋界Collection |
Posted: 2012-11-14 00:24:19 Post subject: |
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冷雨君这首古体,写得轻快,结句含蓄地
描写了渔翁喜悦的收获。
一二句尚可推敲,“秋雁”已点明秋令,
第二句再用“暮秋”,就显得重复了。
仅供参考。 _________________ ++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰 |
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冷雨 秀才
Joined: 05 Nov 2010 Posts: 439
冷雨Collection |
Posted: 2012-11-14 20:41:19 Post subject: |
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问好白水!这首诗没有结句点睛,冷雨回去打开窗户要好好想想!现在正在工作。 |
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冷雨 秀才
Joined: 05 Nov 2010 Posts: 439
冷雨Collection |
Posted: 2012-11-14 20:56:56 Post subject: |
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谢谢黄老指点! |
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