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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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渔翁
冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-11 18:53:07    Post subject: 渔翁 Reply with quote

碧云送秋雁,芦花迎暮秋。
渔歌飞芦荡,网撒江中流。
夕阳入仓满,波光漾轻舟。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-13 13:19:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗情画意
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冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-13 20:03:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好白水!以后的点评冷雨不需要鼓励,这样才能看清自己!
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-13 22:45:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

雨好,

床前明月光,疑是地上霜。
举头望明月,低头思故乡。

没有结句点睛,前面的诗情画意便盲了 Wink
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-14 00:24:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

冷雨君这首古体,写得轻快,结句含蓄地
描写了渔翁喜悦的收获。
一二句尚可推敲,“秋雁”已点明秋令,
第二句再用“暮秋”,就显得重复了。
仅供参考。
_________________
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-14 20:41:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好白水!这首诗没有结句点睛,冷雨回去打开窗户要好好想想!现在正在工作。
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冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-14 20:56:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢黄老指点!
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