胡恢宗 秀才
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zhùcèshíjiān: 2008-03-15 tièzǐ: 564
胡恢宗běiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-28 18:03:24 fābiǎozhùtí: 咏海鸥(依韵和黄洋界老师) |
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一望长空万里秋,钟情逐志泛洋游。
俯冲碧海迎沧浪,搏击蓝天向绿洲。
识钓偷闲春黛湿,依人掠水翠波流。
云心坦荡忘机客,笑对红尘纵远眸。 _________________ 水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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王君明 秀才
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zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-04-03 tièzǐ: 250 láizì: 甘肃天水 王君明běiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-29 03:20:35 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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笑对红尘纵远眸,欣赏唱和之作。 _________________ 虚拟网络 真实生活 |
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qinghongh 榜眼
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-10-14 tièzǐ: 4110
qinghonghběiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-29 05:41:51 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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胡恢宗 xièdào: |
一望长空万里秋,钟情逐志泛洋游。
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诗情豪迈。 |
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影沉寒水 举人
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zhùcèshíjiān: 2010-02-16 tièzǐ: 1145 láizì: 中国福建 影沉寒水běiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-29 05:44:55 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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欣赏唱和之作 _________________ 诗无涯。思在线 |
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黄洋界 探花
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zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-03-23 tièzǐ: 3301 láizì: 多伦多,加拿大 黄洋界běiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-29 07:40:09 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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谢謝赐和,和詩更有韵致,大气磅礴,欣赏! _________________ ++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰 |
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qinghongh 榜眼
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-10-14 tièzǐ: 4110
qinghonghběiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-29 07:54:08 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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俯冲碧海迎沧浪,搏击蓝天向绿洲。
“击”为平声,可考虑改用一仄声字。供参考。问候恢宗兄新年好! |
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白云闲人 探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-08-26 tièzǐ: 3466
白云闲人běiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-29 09:57:59 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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云心坦荡忘机客,笑对红尘纵远眸。- 诗风豪放,气宇昂扬!
庆宏,如用古韵,则《击》字为入声。 _________________ 诗中岁月,
笛里关山. |
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qinghongh 榜眼
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-10-14 tièzǐ: 4110
qinghonghběiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-29 10:47:12 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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白云闲人 xièdào: |
云心坦荡忘机客,笑对红尘纵远眸。- 诗风豪放,气宇昂扬!
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谢谢白云老师!我常用新韵,故有此误。恢宗兄见谅! |
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胡恢宗 秀才
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zhùcèshíjiān: 2008-03-15 tièzǐ: 564
胡恢宗běiměifēngwénjí |
fābiǎoyú: 2010-12-29 19:09:35 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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感谢各位老师的析评,而且都重在鼓励,充满善意。但我更望指出不足和改进意见。 _________________ 水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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