胡恢宗
秀才
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564
胡恢宗Collection |
 Posted: 2010-12-28 18:03:24 Post subject: 咏海鸥（依韵和黄洋界老师） |
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一望长空万里秋，钟情逐志泛洋游。
俯冲碧海迎沧浪，搏击蓝天向绿洲。
识钓偷闲春黛湿，依人掠水翠波流。
云心坦荡忘机客，笑对红尘纵远眸。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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王君明
秀才
Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-29 03:20:35 Post subject: |
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笑对红尘纵远眸，欣赏唱和之作。
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虚拟网络 真实生活 |
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2010-12-29 05:41:51 Post subject: |
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| 胡恢宗 wrote: |
一望长空万里秋，钟情逐志泛洋游。
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诗情豪迈。 |
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影沉寒水
举人
Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-29 05:44:55 Post subject: |
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欣赏唱和之作
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诗无涯。思在线 |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-29 07:40:09 Post subject: |
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谢謝赐和，和詩更有韵致，大气磅礴，欣赏！
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2010-12-29 07:54:08 Post subject: |
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俯冲碧海迎沧浪，搏击蓝天向绿洲。
“击”为平声，可考虑改用一仄声字。供参考。问候恢宗兄新年好！ |
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白云闲人
探花
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466
白云闲人Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-29 09:57:59 Post subject: |
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云心坦荡忘机客，笑对红尘纵远眸。- 诗风豪放，气宇昂扬！
庆宏，如用古韵，则《击》字为入声。
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山. |
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2010-12-29 10:47:12 Post subject: |
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| 白云闲人 wrote: |
云心坦荡忘机客，笑对红尘纵远眸。- 诗风豪放，气宇昂扬！
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谢谢白云老师！我常用新韵，故有此误。恢宗兄见谅！ |
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胡恢宗
秀才
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564
胡恢宗Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-29 19:09:35 Post subject: |
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感谢各位老师的析评，而且都重在鼓励，充满善意。但我更望指出不足和改进意见。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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