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叹息(情诗)
慈林
秀才


Joined: 20 Dec 2008
Posts: 419
Location: 洛杉矶
慈林Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-09 22:35:22    Post subject: 叹息(情诗) Reply with quote

叹息


青梅竹马
她却没有爱上我

我少年得志,成了名人
她还是没有爱上我

我青年发财,成了大享
她仍然没有爱上我

她爱上了一个陌生人
那天,他刚好从她窗下经过


<叹息> 写作札记:

世事难料,男女间感情事更难料.你穷追追不到,而别人就唾手可得,奈何?
其实,存在的就是合理的,存在的事儿总有存在的道理,只是你不知而尔.不知就不知算了,人知得太多也不是一件好事.一切冥冥中上天自有安排,尤其感情姻缘事.
这就叫[有意栽花花不发,无意插柳柳成荫].
有感,遂写下这首<叹息>.



注:这首诗经大宝兄修改,我喜改别人的诗,也欢迎别人改我的诗.改得合理,我会欣然接受.以下是我的原作:

叹息


青梅竹马
她没有爱上我

我少年得志,成了名人
她没有爱上我

我青年发财,成了大享
她也没有爱上我

她爱上了一个陌生人
那天,他刚好从她窗下走过


请朋友思考:

1, 女人的心是否难以捉摸?

请顺道来慈林的博客溜溜,慈林的博客己入选新浪名博.
http://blog.sina.com.cn/markschen(更多、更好......)
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-10 16:44:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

原作比改过的好。
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慈林
秀才


Joined: 20 Dec 2008
Posts: 419
Location: 洛杉矶
慈林Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-10 19:35:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

大宝很仔佃,差别也不大,
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sfiawong
秀才


Joined: 05 May 2009
Posts: 813
Location: US/HK
sfiawongCollection
PostPosted: 2009-06-10 19:52:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

呀你在望梅興嘆
為何不鼓起勇氣追
把美人抱回歸為妻
真替君可惜
她如春日風
一去再不回
另有好褨裙
呵,呵,..是真的嗎?
_________________
有評必回應.
Love your relatives and friends when they are near you.
我的英文詩:
http://poemhunter.com/albert-wong
http://facebook.com/sfiawong
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-11 06:13:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

把原作的 走过,改为 经过 就够了。修改后的累赘了~
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