Like Side Crane <塘边鹤>

[sfiawong]

Title: Like Side Crane.

As a crane,I am smarter than the other birds;
I know how to get food along side of a lake;
To catch fish from water in shallow;
It is easier than in deep.

I wait chance by slow wade and pretend sleep;
There're some stupid fishes come near me;
I move along wade by wade slow like slept;
Even keep one foot stand in time longer.

Slow move and silent wade in muddy water;
I can do more perfect than the others;
I understand chances are waiting for me;
I must keep on my careful searching.

Chances will be caught by those smarter,
I am always doing like this smarter.

塘边鹤 -- 亚拔王 (sfiawong)

我虽然是塘边鹤,
但这是我的理智,
我晓沿湖边觅食,
在浅水中捕小鱼.

比在深水处容易,
在浅水涉足游移,
一些笨鱼来身傍,
更慢涉足装不知.

甚至站立时更长,
慢步涉过泥泞至,
做着改到更完善,
必保持细心自如.

深明机会自争取,
我总做到最合时.
_________________
有評必回應.
Love your relatives and friends when they are near you.
我的英文詩:
http://poemhunter.com/albert-wong
http://facebook.com/sfiawong

[sfiawong]

英文詩寫時不難,相對的翻譯中文,我感覺困難不少,雖然原詩出自己手,平鋪直述的似太平淡.
如不跟原詩採意譯又似不合理.所以對翻譯的工作,我始終都是感到梀手.如又要有音韻結句.
更不得了,確是難上加難了.對十四行詩不能依英文的是意中事了.
對於翻譯的工作,雖然是自己的英文詩,仍是沒多大信心可能會變了原意.
有何意見的,不坊提出來大家研究,謝,謝!

請問有誰有較好的意見?
_________________
有評必回應.
Love your relatives and friends when they are near you.
我的英文詩:
http://poemhunter.com/albert-wong
http://facebook.com/sfiawong