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渔歌子.长江纤夫
黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
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Location: 多伦多,加拿大
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PostPosted: 2009-02-28 22:14:11    Post subject: 渔歌子.长江纤夫 Reply with quote

渔歌子.长江纤夫

近日参观重庆三峡博物馆"壮丽三峡"厅.见纤夫群雕.
忆及当年江上纤夫倾力拖船之状.因以记之.

逆水行舟不畏难

震天号子挽波澜

纤索紧

雪风寒

铜肩铁脚胜危滩
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王君明
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
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PostPosted: 2009-03-01 00:10:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

节奏铿锵,可见情状.问候黄兄!
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: 2009-03-01 04:03:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

读黄老师词,耳畔犹响《川江号子》雄浑歌谣。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
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PostPosted: 2009-03-01 04:13:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

很强的视觉冲击
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
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PostPosted: 2009-03-01 14:29:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢君明兄.庆宏.白水评阅.
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南之北
童生


Joined: 02 Dec 2008
Posts: 81
Location: 大陆
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PostPosted: 2009-03-01 14:38:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

雄壮之情景跃然纸上!唯最后一句‘铜肩铁脚胜危滩’的‘胜’字觉得于情理不合,试改为‘战’字如何?
问好黄兄!
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
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Location: 多伦多,加拿大
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PostPosted: 2009-03-01 23:38:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢南之北兄雅正.初稿用"战".后改用"胜".有"战而胜之"之意.

取"赢得胜利"的意思.逆水行舟,不进则退.长江滩多水急.纤夫

们,只有拼命向前,否则船毁人亡.所以.不仅要"战"还要"胜".

望继续切磋.
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冰清
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Joined: 29 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2009-03-02 08:54:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
很强的视觉冲击

呵呵,视觉听觉都为之动了 Laughing
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南之北
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Joined: 02 Dec 2008
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PostPosted: 2009-03-02 14:14:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄兄用‘胜’字,我觉得可能受‘人定胜天’之影响。但在‘人定胜天’中,‘天’作拟人用,是‘老天爷’的意思,因此人可以‘胜’天。但‘危滩’是无感情、无意识的物,是地点,又岂能‘胜’之?正如我们可以说‘战戈壁’、‘战神州’、‘战寰球’,但不能说‘胜戈壁’、‘胜神州’、‘胜寰球’一样。
以上为个人浅见,供酌。问好!
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2009-03-02 23:07:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

冰清,您一定欣赏过俄罗斯大画家列宾的<顿河上的纤夫>.

也一定不止一次地唱过顿河船夫曲,无论画还是歌,都震撼

人心.催人奋进啊!惜乎当代如此之画和歌太少了!
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黄洋界
探花


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PostPosted: 2009-03-02 23:45:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

南兄,很高兴和您探讨,我还想申说一下:
"人定胜天"中的"天",指"自然"非作拟人用.这个成语谓人们利用智慧和力量可以战胜自然."危滩"当属自然.我想也可套用.
"战"表示一种状态,而"胜'则表示结果.我想的正是纤夫们战胜险滩恶水的结果."胜"字有大过.占优势之意,如"事实胜于雄辩"的用法.
再如,杜甫<观打鱼歌>有云:"绵州江水之东津,鲂鱼鲅鲅色胜银".
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野航
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PostPosted: 2009-03-07 20:27:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

推荐一个字:



具象一些.就画面感而言.
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黄洋界
探花


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PostPosted: 2009-03-08 14:40:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢野航点评.问好!
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白云闲人
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PostPosted: 2009-03-10 06:01:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

"逆水行舟"."铜肩铁脚",形象! "不畏难"."胜危滩",坚毅! 黄兄好词!
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黄洋界
探花


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PostPosted: 2009-03-11 00:49:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢白云兄赏阅,问好!
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