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秋夜笛 . . . 七律
菩提子
童生


Joined: 06 Sep 2007
Posts: 32

菩提子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-03 08:32:58    Post subject: 秋夜笛 . . . 七律 Reply with quote

. . 秋夜笛 . .
养生慢步小园中,
吐纳丹田气贯通.
缥缈幽香从菊径,
忽然妙韵自蟾宫.

柔和素月送清梦,
激越流云遏碧空.
桓子清溪奏三弄,
马融长笛赋之风.

( 秋夜散步小园,丹田吐纳导气贯通,正享受从菊径传来若有若无缥缈之幽香,却忽然一阵妙韵尤如来自蟾宫,此笛声,柔和时,如素月送清梦;响亮激越时,似把流云也遏住在碧空中.笛韵之妙,若东晋桓子在清溪所奏之三弄;也似汉马融<长笛赋>之风.)
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-03 10:13:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

笛韵幽思。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-03 17:11:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

秋夜闻妙韵,缈然若仙风.欣赏.
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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菩提子
童生


Joined: 06 Sep 2007
Posts: 32

菩提子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-03 17:48:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢冰清!谢谢黄兄!请多多指导.
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-05 16:09:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

菩提兄诗的意境不错,令人神往。另外诗人极富联想:由笛声想到蟾宫、素月,又想到古时的桓子三弄和马融<长笛赋>,可谓跨越时空,赞一个!
标题中的“妙韵”是否改为“笛韵”更好些?一来直接切题,二来避免和诗中“妙韵”重复,因为如果不看诗后注解,尽管诗中有<长笛赋>字样,读者很难想象到诗中是在写“笛”。
一己之见,供参考~
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菩提子
童生


Joined: 06 Sep 2007
Posts: 32

菩提子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-05 17:58:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢晓松兄的指点! ! !
词题改为: "秋夜笛" 好吗?
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