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Maple Review Home -> 落尘诗社

眺望

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 07:50:44 Post subject: 眺望

会烙进你心口的一隅吗？虚掩的冬门外已看见飞奔的春了在不安的凝视中回望那支独守在你窗外的梅影风牵来紫燕的翅膀又抖落满地的桃芬离去遗下一阙敞开的春令像是无言的休书无声，胜有声你不看我，你闪躲，只想让我学会放弃我踯躅在一个过逝的纷飞的，有六角花瓣簇拥的梅香里而那些眺望，月一样只在你的窗口高高挂起 _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 08:01:37 Post subject:

好让人怜爱的茉儿，抱抱~~ 好诗，春令是梅的休书吗？哈哈哈~~~~令我伤心的好诗 _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 08:03:14 Post subject:

红袖添乱 wrote:

好让人怜爱的茉儿，抱抱~~
...

嗯瘩。。。是呀。来，你写，嗯，写结婚证书吧。哈哈。。
_________________
默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 08:04:20 Post subject:

表这样嘲笑我，要爱我。嗯？好 _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 08:06:55 Post subject:

哈哈，，那敢啊。好吧。波。。。。飞着的。 _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 12:58:22 Post subject:

紧抓住情绪，最后一笔虽然是旧招式，却不落俗套。好！无声胜有声应该换掉。 _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

拈花微笑
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Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 311

拈花微笑Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 17:50:42 Post subject:

嗯，抒情而有节制，不错。。。 _________________ 瞠目结舌

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 18:18:08 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

紧抓住情绪，最后一笔虽然是旧招式，却不落俗套。好！
...

紧抓住情绪？嗯。话里有话。。。
嗯。对，很对，你真牛。这句的确多余。。
噢，换个啥好呢？？还是就直接去掉。好不呢？？

多谢，多谢。。。。
_________________
默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 18:19:01 Post subject:

拈花微笑 wrote:

嗯，抒情而有节制，不错。。。

谢笑兄临贴。。。
_________________
默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 19:41:11 Post subject:

情凝重得那样有份量紧观闸门依然让人听到那声音冲撞心房

悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-12-15 13:46:57 Post subject:

嗯，抒情而有节制，很好

红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-12-15 17:12:32 Post subject:

春令是结婚证书，凭它，我们今夜洞房花烛。 _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-12-15 17:22:07 Post subject: 和who???

红袖添乱 wrote:

春令是结婚证书，凭它，我们今夜洞房花烛。

红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-12-15 17:23:33 Post subject: 如果春令对梅花是休书，那。。。

对桃花就是结婚证。 _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-12-15 17:25:23 Post subject: 我觉得就去掉就好了

嗯哪鄂南~~ _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-12-15 18:34:17 Post subject: 梨花咋办？还有迎春花、郁金香等等等等

红袖添乱 wrote:

对桃花就是结婚证。

詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-12-15 20:41:14 Post subject: 用字得宜所以不落俗套，很好啊！怎说去掉。

苏茉儿 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

紧抓住情绪，最后一笔虽然是旧招式，却不落俗套。好！
...

紧抓住情绪？嗯。话里有话。。。
...

_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

是有缘
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Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection

Posted: 2008-12-16 18:06:11 Post subject:

雪梅冷月，酷、酷、酷。 _________________ 蜻蜓点水非无意愁云化雨是有情

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