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【我想说点事】--练习欢迎多批评修正
子花
秀才


Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-31 19:40:53    Post subject: 【我想说点事】--练习欢迎多批评修正 Reply with quote

【我想说点事】
---子花

老地方
老表情
老姿势
老烟鬼
拿着老火机
嗒嗒嗒......
一百下,亮了九十九下

我想说点事
就说一点点事

没什么大不了的
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-31 20:25:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

一百下,亮了九十九下
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子花
秀才


Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-02 15:47:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢福治诗人阅读!!多批评
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子花
秀才


Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-09 17:34:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

自己提上来!!没人看了!!哎
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-09 18:31:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

说吧, 洗耳恭听 Very Happy
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邹崧蔚
童生


Joined: 08 Dec 2008
Posts: 93

邹崧蔚Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-09 20:11:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

可能是太多了太乱了,从哪里说起呢?朋友好。
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我能说什么呢,我什么也没有说,是他在说。
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2008-12-09 20:24:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

看了。没太有感觉啊,对不起。一向感觉迟钝,哈。
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I'm nobody! Who are you?
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-09 22:51:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

为人可平,为文不可平;为人不可奇巧,为文不可不奇巧!问好小帅哥!
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-10 02:32:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

最后一句去掉。其诗意没有闪烁成功。淡得有些过分。
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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子花
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Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-13 01:10:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢各位老朋友老诗人!!!一一琢磨过你们金口里掉下的面包!! Laughing
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