Maple Review :: View topic - 【我想说点事】--练习欢迎多批评修正

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

【我想说点事】--练习欢迎多批评修正

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2008-10-31 19:40:53 Post subject: 【我想说点事】--练习欢迎多批评修正

【我想说点事】 ---子花老地方老表情老姿势老烟鬼拿着老火机嗒嗒嗒...... 一百下，亮了九十九下我想说点事就说一点点事没什么大不了的

赵福治
探花

Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection

Posted: 2008-10-31 20:25:11 Post subject:

一百下，亮了九十九下

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2008-11-02 15:47:29 Post subject:

感谢福治诗人阅读！！多批评

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2008-12-09 17:34:30 Post subject:

自己提上来！！没人看了！！哎

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-12-09 18:31:01 Post subject:

说吧, 洗耳恭听

邹崧蔚
童生

Joined: 08 Dec 2008
Posts: 93

邹崧蔚Collection

Posted: 2008-12-09 20:11:53 Post subject:

可能是太多了太乱了，从哪里说起呢？朋友好。 _________________ 我能说什么呢，我什么也没有说，是他在说。

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-12-09 20:24:21 Post subject:

看了。没太有感觉啊，对不起。一向感觉迟钝，哈。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2008-12-09 22:51:52 Post subject:

为人可平，为文不可平；为人不可奇巧，为文不可不奇巧！问好小帅哥！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-12-10 02:32:10 Post subject:

最后一句去掉。其诗意没有闪烁成功。淡得有些过分。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2008-12-13 01:10:51 Post subject:

感谢各位老朋友老诗人！！！一一琢磨过你们金口里掉下的面包！！

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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