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[原创]微型诗《呈献》(外一首)
明天朔
童生


Joined: 07 Feb 2008
Posts: 31
Location: 中国肥城
明天朔Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-30 04:23:19    Post subject: [原创]微型诗《呈献》(外一首) Reply with quote

请批评


呈献

微风穿过时间的余光
打开黄昏之门
把这天的声音送给夜空


反思


虫鸣叫醒了夕阳
过去开始梳理一夜的思绪


晚霞站起身
关上了白色天窗
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2008-11-30 11:32:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

个见,短诗应该短而完整。这些有点象从长诗里割下来的片段,不象独立短诗。
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