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秦淮八艳,一个偶遇!
笑后
秀才


Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 136
Location: From nanjing
笑后Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-10 06:37:28    Post subject: 秦淮八艳,一个偶遇! Reply with quote

秦淮八艳,一个偶遇!
  文/廖蕙琳(南京)

她是个多么单纯而善良的女子啊!
她们曾经在这柳树下的秦淮
借助月色卸妆
她们都被逼上青楼

请用你仁慈的嘴唇说出她们的身世
请用你怜恤的心记录
请不要有所怀疑和歧视
请关照一下她们的遭遇

今天
请看初冬的柳枝
欲向着鸡鸣寺的方向削发为尼
这饱受苦难的冬天封锁了河流
一个带着围巾的女童,被妈妈牵着
影子经过了这条欲望的河流

2008-11-10 17:26 写于秦淮

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廖蕙琳 以写悼亡诗而自成一家,一意孤行!
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-10 17:23:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

对生活细致的观察才可得的诗歌, 问好笑后
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笑后
秀才


Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 136
Location: From nanjing
笑后Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-10 19:24:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
对生活细致的观察才可得的诗歌, 问好笑后

谢谢白水,辛苦你了!望多指点!远握你!祝冬安!
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廖蕙琳 以写悼亡诗而自成一家,一意孤行!
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叶英儿
秀才


Joined: 03 Jun 2006
Posts: 577
Location: 中国
叶英儿Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-10 20:15:44    Post subject: 不错,问好. Reply with quote

不错,问好.
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-11 00:14:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

最后一节精彩,有力度,而且含蓄有味。

惜,前两小节略现仓促乏力,且诗思平常,欠创新。

建议,再修改一下,定可更上层楼!

司马问好秦淮美眉!
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《北美枫》司马策风文集

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