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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

发两个小的

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-11-04 08:19:05 Post subject: 发两个小的

（16）看不见的，不一定不存在像此刻，没有太阳，却是白昼。你有不在场的证据但阴天用冷漠处处举证你的在场。（17）乘一列火车随便在某个站台下车给某个熟悉或不熟悉的人电话告诉他，此刻你正在他的城市。这样的突袭像一粒子弹正好洞穿他的心脏。如果你听到惊喜，请不要晕厥。你只是路过，列车的暂停只是为了更远的远方。人生有无数个站台可以停泊而你渴望一个可以让你永远歇脚的站台。

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2008-11-04 08:21:27 Post subject:

欣赏 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2008-11-04 16:16:15 Post subject:

感悟加叙说。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-11-04 19:12:15 Post subject:

文字铺垫不错, 只是对内涵不太理解. 比如17, 真不懂怎么会有这许多(无数个站台?)心脏被洞穿?或许我这人太木?仅为探讨.

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-11-05 04:22:05 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

文字铺垫不错, 只是对内涵不太理解. 比如17, 真不懂怎么会有这许多(无数个站台?)心脏被洞穿?或许我这人太木?仅为探讨. Embarassed

不是对人的，是人生的某个阶段吧，~
这首瞎写，我也不满意！我喜16这个。

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-11-05 04:22:43 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

欣赏

问好岛！

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-11-05 04:23:06 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

感悟加叙说。

问好周！

郑达夫
秀才

Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 734
Location: 福建永春仙夾園德樓 362604
郑达夫Collection

Posted: 2008-11-05 04:38:20 Post subject:

你只是路过，列车的暂停只是为了更远的远方。人生有无数个站台可以停泊而你渴望一个可以让你永远歇脚的站台。 _________________ 我的新浪博客： http://blog.sina.com.cn/zdf595 我的QQ： 450895168 我的地址：福建永春仙夾園德樓（362604）鄭逹夫

小城故事
童生

Joined: 03 Nov 2008
Posts: 51
Location: 中国东北
小城故事Collection

Posted: 2008-11-12 15:57:05 Post subject:

好感觉——但不是诗，倒像相声段子里的素材。个见！ _________________ 没有国界的可望

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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